Random Musings and Thoughts

Hates

2012-01-28T17:07:00.003-05:00

Chupa hates ladybugs and pink cars.

My new niece

2012-01-28T17:02:00.000-05:00

This is Sophia. She is a few months younger than Chupa. Isn't she cute? I like her.

The Milk Chronicles

2012-01-28T15:48:00.000-05:00

My boobs produce an alarming amount of milk. In fact, if I squeeze either boob a certain way, I can squirt milk a good three feet. I have actually squirted milk into Chupa's mouth from that distance much to her delight and kidlet's amusement.

I think milk squirting should be an Olympic Sport.

Or I should get out of the house more.

Morning person

2012-01-28T11:39:00.001-05:00

Those of you who know me in real life know I am not a morning person. When kidlet was a baby, she was like me NOT a morning person.

Chupa is a morning person.

Good thing she is really cute.

Cooking

2012-01-27T16:24:00.001-05:00

Kidlet likes to pretend cook with the Barefoot Contessa.

Baffled

2012-01-27T13:49:00.000-05:00

So Kidlet comes hmoe and has to clean her room. She is not really cleaning her room, she is playing with lip glosses that she got for Christmas.

She broke the wand to her lip gloss. She has spent the last 15 minutes crying. Because her lip gloss is broken.

I am baffled.

Pregnant Porn

2012-01-26T14:31:00.002-05:00

For my knocked up girls, this is for you.

PIX

2012-01-26T10:20:00.000-05:00

My almost FIVE year old.

Those are sleep wrinkles she got sleeping in her car seat

Blue eyed baby, tilted.

Forced Sterilization

2012-01-25T22:32:00.000-05:00

This article is shocking. This happened in America. NO ONE TOLD HER! She found out later.

Tired

2012-01-25T21:49:00.002-05:00

When Chupa gets tired, she screams her head off.

Picture Catchup

2012-01-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

DADDY!

Lips and hips pose

VOGUE

This is what babies mainly do.

This is kidlet self accessorizing. That is a flowered headband she is using as a belt.

This morning

2012-01-23T15:08:00.001-05:00

When I got up this morning, I looked at my bed with longing. It was a wet yucky morning. Ideal sleeping in day.

Rainy Weekend

2012-01-22T20:00:00.002-05:00

It was a rainy weekend with my girls.

Nice and cuddly.

Woman I want yohboh to bring home

2012-01-21T17:16:00.000-05:00

If this woman offers to come home with yohboh, he should let her. I would get a new kitchen.

Elmo and I know it

2012-01-20T14:32:00.002-05:00

Grabbing Stuff

2012-01-20T13:35:00.002-05:00

We are now past infant, entering the cute grabbing stuff phase.

Admiration

2012-01-20T11:33:00.002-05:00

I love the look of admiration of Chupa's face.

I love this outfit

2012-01-19T22:40:00.000-05:00

I got this in the clearance bin at Target.

WAAAAH

2012-01-19T14:05:00.000-05:00

So I made an appointment to get a haircut last week. I actually had planned on going to a salon, which is not something I normally do. But it had been a while since I had a haircut and I was beginning to look like cousin IT so I was due. I was looking forward to it since it would have been the first time that I was going to do something for myself since I had had Chupa. I was going to have someone else wash my hair, give me a coffee and relax.

I had to cancel my appointment because kidlet was wheezing and it scared me. We went to the doctor instead and we found out that this asshole named bronchitis was in our lungs.

I was talking to a friend about it and kidlet overheard. She burst into tears. Then Chupa burst into tears. I asked why kidlet was crying.

Because Mommy, you were going to go to a SALON! I WANTED TO GO!!!!!!

Chupa can now

2012-01-19T13:45:00.002-05:00

Chupa can now pick things up and stick them in her mouth.

NEXT STOP THE WORLD!

Kidletism

2012-01-19T13:44:00.002-05:00

Mommy can I have a gorilla bar?

What is a gorilla bar?

You know, it has chocolate chips in it and it is in a rectangle.

Do you mean a granola bar?

Yes, a gorilla bar.

Non Action Shots

2012-01-19T13:43:00.000-05:00

Alert!

Brushing of the teeth

Sisters

Kidlet got a new headband

Being a Girl

2012-01-18T13:50:00.003-05:00

This article sickened me. Being a girl is not worth shit in some parts of the world.

Goofy Ass Bread

2012-01-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

Yohboh and I were talking about Subway. Yohboh is not a fan of sandwiches, unless I make them. Anyway, yohboh was saying that Subway has goofy ass bread. Whatever happened to white and wheat?

I have been chuckling about goofy ass bread ever since.

Stapler

2012-01-17T15:11:00.002-05:00

We had to move our home office into our front room to make room for Chupa. During this move I have lost my stapler. I am oddly fond of this stapler. I stole it from one of my first jobs. It has a nice heft and staples cleanly through many pages. It is pleasurable to use this thing. I am oddly picky about my office supplies and this stapler made me content. So I have torn through the house looking for this damn thing. Since July, I have been sans stapler.

Today at Big Lots I bought a cheapo stapler. Because I had to staple some damn sheets of paper together.

And it was no fun.

Picture Catch Up

2012-01-17T11:35:00.001-05:00

Chubby Grin

Cheeky

Chicken Head

Bringing Sexy Back

Sisters

Sisters both looking at the camera!

Lunch

2012-01-16T22:16:00.002-05:00

All the girls met yohboh for lunch. I love my yohboh.

Football

2012-01-15T15:02:00.001-05:00

Football is boring.

Why do they wear half pants?

Thinking

2012-01-14T22:43:00.002-05:00

God likes Tom Brady better.

Happiness is

2012-01-14T22:21:00.000-05:00

Happiness is being sandwiched between my two sleeping girls.

Thinking

2012-01-14T21:01:00.003-05:00

I think that Tom Brady looks like Leonardo DiCaprio if you squint.

Which is what I imagine Gisele does.

Happiness is

2012-01-14T13:06:00.003-05:00

Happiness is big sister dancing and little sister gurgling with giggles.

Bumbo

2012-01-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

Through some clever money saving, I got this Bumbo for free.

This is the third new thing I have gotten for Chupa. The first was socks. The second was a package of cloth diapers because she is so pukey.

Funny Kidlet

2012-01-13T12:08:00.000-05:00

So this is how I found kidlet a few nights ago. She is wearing a princess slanket and holding a few dollars and her favorite stuffed animal, Yee Haw.

Picture Catch Up

2012-01-12T23:19:00.000-05:00

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

Happy

Happy

Chupa's 100 days was two days ago.

Kidlet was showing the presents she got from Nemo.

Lovely

The sick girls

Bronchitis

2012-01-12T16:05:00.000-05:00

This is what we Smith girls have. The plague has a name, it is Bron Chitis. He is an asshole.

Sick

2012-01-12T10:32:00.002-05:00

Kidlet is sick again. The plague is a living breathing organism that is in the Smith house.

Exhausted

2012-01-11T21:08:00.000-05:00

Kidlet is testing limits. Being consistent is exhausting.

Sisters

2012-01-10T22:18:00.001-05:00

Kidlet was not at the house. She was hanging out with her Gaga. Chupa was grumpy.

And when kidlet came home, all she wanted was to hang out with Chupa.

For yohboh

2012-01-10T15:52:00.000-05:00

Sympathy

2012-01-10T10:04:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, kidlet and I were having a bad day. And kidlet burst into tears. And Chupa burst into tears because her big sister was crying. Both of them were giant heaps of crying despair.

You know what is worse that one child who is a heap of bawling misery?

TWO OF THEM!

Charmed

2012-01-09T21:38:00.001-05:00

Chupa smiled when yohboh kissed her.

He was so charmed that he kissed again.

And another Daddy's Girl is born.

PULL UP YOUR PANTS

2012-01-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

Ketchup

2012-01-08T22:27:00.002-05:00

Chupa's face is awesome here

Chubby Grin

Pretty Girl

Impish and Gorgeous

Alert

Puking

2012-01-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

Kidlet calls puking puping.

As in, Mommy Chupa is puping.

Please Stop Screaming

2012-01-07T22:07:00.002-05:00

Dear Chupa,

Please stop screaming. It makes me tired. And feel quite incompetent.

Love,
Minjenah

Getting Old

2012-01-06T12:43:00.000-05:00

Sleeping is my favorite activity.

I am getting really old.

Promises

2012-01-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

Kidlet: Mommy. Someday I am going to be an adult.

Minjenah: Yes you will.

Kidlet: Will I have my own house?

Minjenah: Yes you will.

Kidlet: So I won't be in your house?

Minjenah: You will have your own house.

Kidlet: Can I come visit?

Minjenah: Whenever you want.

Kidlet: Promise?

Minjenah: I promise you can visit whenever you want.

Growth Spurt

2012-01-05T18:27:00.002-05:00

Chupa is having a growth spurt.

I am typing this one handed because I am nursing.

Three Months Old

2012-01-04T22:29:00.000-05:00

Chupa turned three months old yesterday.

She discovered her tongue.

Kidlet brushed her teeth.

She listened to her daddy on the phone.

Sisters

Plague

2012-01-03T22:29:00.000-05:00

So I am coughing so bad that people cross the street to get away from me.

Picture Catch Up

2012-01-02T22:46:00.000-05:00

En famille

Big Eyes

Sisters

Bennie and the Jets

All piled in the bed

Looking

Thinking

2012-01-02T11:10:00.002-05:00

Do you tip at Starbucks? How much? If you pay with a gift card do you pull out money to tip?

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T12:38:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year.

I do not make resolutions except to be EVEN MORE AWESOME.

Sometimes

2011-12-31T22:20:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, not often but sometimes, being a mommy is really fucking hard.

Happiness is

2011-12-31T11:18:00.001-05:00

Happiness is listening to my four year old sing to herself in the bath while nursing Chupa.

Suckiest Christmas Break Ever - DO NOT READ THIS IF YOUR STOMACH IS WEAK

2011-12-30T21:58:00.000-05:00

Since the Xmas break started, Kidlet has been sick where she puked on me, Chupa has been sick where she pukes on me every day and now I have been sick.

This is literally all I have done: made breakfast for kidlet, fed the baby and peed OUT OF MY BUTT, changed diapers. I did not eat anything because I was icky nauseous. I felt so terrible that I could not make kidlet lunch. She ate crackers and cheese.

Actual conversation while I am on the toilet

kidlet: Mommy, are you peeing?
Minjenah: No, honey I am pooping.
Kidlet: Are you sure you are not peeing?
Minjenah: I am sure.

I have been like this for two days.

Yeah, bring on 2012.

My Girls

2011-12-30T00:05:00.000-05:00

Tummy Time

New Bracelets

Sleeping on daddy

I love kidlet's hands on Chupa.

Helen Gurley Brown

2011-12-29T11:57:00.001-05:00

I remember reading an interview with Helen Gurley Brown once where she said she got super excited about having diarrhea because it made her lose weight.

I was not even my teen years when I read this and I found the concept disgusting. Because no powerful man is ever asked for weight loss tips. No one asks Donald Trump how to keep the pounds at bay. But here is a feminine icon telling me she liked to shit liquid to keep her skinny.

I think that we will know when women are truly equal is when a corpulent woman is elected to the presidency.

And even now, I think of Helen Gurley Brown every time I have diarrhea.

Good Thing

2011-12-28T21:27:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing that my girls are really cute when they are sleeping.

Bad Day

2011-12-28T10:23:00.001-05:00

You know it is a bad day when you have already lost your shit twice and it is not even noon and you have not had a cup of coffee.

Reflections on Crackerville

2011-12-27T22:45:00.008-05:00

I still hate Crackerville.

Here are the vignettes:

The woman who did not raise her own children because they were taken away from her by the state is bragging that her granddaughter can read. The grandmother is raising the grand daughter. This child is six months younger than kidlet. The 37 year old grandmother then gives me advice on how to teach my child to read. Because she did such a stellar job on her two other children.

By the way, if a child calls the grandmother "Mom" and her mother "Pam", it does not bode well.

And the idiot who threw me in the pool on my wedding day (still waiting for an apology-me hold a grudge?), is apparently mildly successful now. Yohboh was giving him props for getting his shit together at thirty fucking three. Meanwhile his first child, who I have named Muma, is flunking Algebra to the point that the woman he lives with (who is his maternal grandmother from what I gather because neither idiot or his baby mama is competent to raise their own - way to get his shit together idiot) shaved his head. Muma (who is Male Uma, as in Thurman), apparently cried hysterically because he is no longer attractive without his lustrous, golden, lice coated locks.

Then there is the mother of the reading four year old. She is 19 and has two children and is about to marry a man who beat her while she was pregnant with his baby. She was not there but her mother, the one who brags that her grand child can read, filled me in on all the details.

Also, I did not get to eat there because I was too busy watching kidlet and Chupa. Which is not really a hardship because the food is on par with the company.

Where was yohboh during all this shit? Helping Crazy Old Grandmother (COG) make dinner. Because since she lives alone, she is incapable of preparing the side dishes. We brought the protein.

I will admit she make a stellar pie crust. So out of that whole crappy day, that was the nice thing.

The annoying part for me was when Muma asked for a hug. I did not hear him and did not give him one. He got all sad and said, "I guess I am not important." How sad is that a person you interact with for perhaps 30 minutes out of a calendar year can make you feel so terrible? Particularly when the people who made you do not give you as much attention as I did? Manipulative little bitch.

Family Pictures

2011-12-27T22:43:00.001-05:00

Has anyone read Family Pictures? Sue Miller is a terrific writer.

The little details are just right. There is a little aside about how the mother eats all her children's leftover's for breakfast and washes it down with lukewarm coffee. I thought of that this morning when I ate kidlet's leftover oatmeal with cool tea.

Picture Catch Up

2011-12-26T22:49:00.001-05:00

In Her Bumbo. Kidlet wanted to show off her new dolls.

TUMMY TIME

All my love

In Crackerville.

Festive

Sisters

Kidlet was doing sympathy crying for Chupa.

Amazing Poops

2011-12-26T22:23:00.002-05:00

Chupa had two amazing poops yesterday. One shot poop up to her shoulders. One shot poop into her socks where her toes were covered in poop.

Hey! OLD PEOPLE!

2011-12-26T12:16:00.003-05:00

Hey old people!

Do not tell the mother of a newborn how you spontaneously fall over and almost set fire to your house then get mad when you cannot hold the baby.

Because quite clearly, you have no control of your own shit.

SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET YOU HOLD MY BABY!?!?!

The best things I ever got

2011-12-24T22:41:00.002-05:00

The best things I ever got are my girls.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T16:12:00.004-05:00

Kidlet got lost at the store with yohboh. Both were upset when they came home. Yohboh because he was terrified he lost his eldest child. Kidlet was terrified because she had gotten lost in the store. Kidlet was so hysterical that she could not tell me what happened because she was hiccup crying.

:(

Merry Christmas

Long Day

2011-12-23T21:10:00.000-05:00

Kidlet puked three times last night. There was also a few bouts of diarrhea. I took her to the doctor and he gave her something for the vomiting.

The whole house smelled of vomit and poop.

Chupa was quite content.

Out of Sight

2011-12-23T00:23:00.000-05:00

George Clooney is really fucking hot in Out of Sight.

The Puke Day

2011-12-22T23:47:00.000-05:00

Chupa still pukes on me. I am actually pretty good at catching it and very rarely does it get on anything but the towel or diaper I have on hand. And her pukes are all milk so it very easy to clean up and not smelly.

Kidlet just puked on me.

That was just fucking gross.

Pizza chunks in my hair.

Picture Catch Up

2011-12-21T23:01:00.001-05:00

She dressed herself

Sisters. Chupa is doing blue steele.

Tummy Time

SUPAH STARS!

Happy little thing!

Annoyed

2011-12-20T17:22:00.002-05:00

Kidlet had a cavity. I did not get my first cavity until my thirties. WTF?

Kidlet cried during the drilling. And she does not like the dentist anymore.

I AM A FAILURE AS A MOTHER!

Definition

2011-12-19T19:19:00.000-05:00

Kidlet's definition of peaceful: "You know, when you cut a pizza and there are a lot of pieces. That is peaceful."

Gratifying

2011-12-19T15:53:00.000-05:00

There is something particularly gratifying about using a nasal aspirator and getting a long rope of snot.

Also the kidlet calls a nasal aspirator a booger sucker. I love that.

The Power of Three

2011-12-19T15:50:00.001-05:00

Kidlet loves watching any iteration of Charlie's Angels except for the 2011 TV show.

She also loves any fashion magazine that have three women on the cover.

I find the development of Kidlet fascinating.

Four going on fourteen

2011-12-19T10:29:00.000-05:00

When we had the IPAD, kidlet would watch youtube videos. I showed her Sesame Street and Glee videos. Somehow, she found videos of people applying cosmetics. These fascinated her.

She loves to look at Glamour magazine, especially at the make up sections.

And we were watching the Today show where they were showing holiday make up. Kidlet sat still and was fascinated.

And she keeps stealing my old make up. She is particularly fond of the stuff that is really expensive.

URGH

2011-12-19T10:08:00.002-05:00

Neck still hurts

Neck Pain

2011-12-18T23:11:00.001-05:00

I slept funny last night and my neck cannot turn to the left.

Kidlet went to a birthday party at Monkey Joe's. Chupa was still pretty sick so she and I did not go. Yohboh took kidlet. I am sad I did not get to go because I like to watch kidlet play.

I do take pictures every day

2011-12-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

I do take pictures every day, it's just that sometimes I do not have the time to upload them.

They call me MISTER Squinty!

Kidlet's favorite toy is a cardboard box.

Before her first set of immunizations.

Sunny and happy girl.

Losing my shit

2011-12-17T18:46:00.001-05:00

I finally get Chupa to sleep for the first time in three days.

She is sick and miserable.

I am sick and miserable as well.

Kidlet comes into the room singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs.

Chupa is no longer asleep.

Chupa is so upset that she puked.

I am blogging right now so I do not lose my shit.

Breaking my Heart

2011-12-16T21:18:00.001-05:00

Kidlet's room is a sty. I told her she could watch a movie when she cleaned her room. Kidlet dawdled and got distracted. She built an elaborate block thing. She got two shipping boxes and made a ship. She read many books. Finally, it is her bedtime and I tell her to go to bed. She bursts into tears.

I ask kidlet why she is crying. She says, "I had no fun today! All I did was clean, clean, clean!"

Sick

2011-12-15T21:27:00.002-05:00

All the girls are still sick.

Big Chupa

2011-12-15T11:56:00.000-05:00

I realized that I have neglected to post Chupa's height and weight at birth. It was 8 pounds and 8 ounces and 20 inches.

At her first check up she had gained a pound.

I took her to the doctor today. She is 17 pounds 11 ounces and 24.5 inches. That is nine weeks from her first check up.

Big Chupa spending G's.

Damn Tired

2011-12-14T20:29:00.000-05:00

Chupa snores like a 320 pound man. It makes for challenging sleeping.

Lola

2011-12-14T12:02:00.002-05:00

Lola is twitching to eat the dying bird.

Bird Death

2011-12-14T11:34:00.001-05:00

A bird flew into one of our sliding glass doors. There is bird blood on the glass. YUCK!

More Picture Heinz

2011-12-13T23:07:00.001-05:00

My little angel

Sunny Girl

Apple Cheeks!

Sisters

DBW comes by for some Smith girl love.

Smirk

Christmas Performance

2011-12-13T22:35:00.002-05:00

Kidlet had her Christmas thing.

Chupa slept through it.

Mommy, that is not a real robot

2011-12-12T22:08:00.000-05:00

Tired and sick

2011-12-12T22:00:00.002-05:00

The girls are sick again.

Chupa sure can scream for a long time.

Welcome to the world Cheese Curd

2011-12-10T23:37:00.000-05:00

My sister Stinky gave birth to her daughter, Cheese Curd.

My parents have four grand daughters in four years.

Diarrhea of the Mouth

2011-12-10T09:44:00.001-05:00

The other day someone came to our door asking for the green tomatoes that were on the still on the plants. Yohboh said yes and off this toothless man went to pick them. Later the neighbor who this man belongs to came by. I had never met this neighbor so I went out to say hello. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

Lindy proceeded to tell me her whole life story including but not limited to her bankruptcy, her divorce, her house going into foreclosure, the death of her divorced husband. There is more but I start tuning it out because quite clearly, she is crazy.

Then her weird son Lucas came by. He is about ten. Lindy warned me that Lucas will try to come by my house and claim that Lindy beats her. I have seen Lucas around the neighborhood before doing juvenile antics. In other words, I dislike Lucas. I think he is in sore need of some discipline. I would not let my godson play with him.

Later this week, Lucas came by to tell me my dog was out and that she growled at him. My dog would never do that and I know it is bullshit. Then he stood at the door and asks if he could come in. Chupa was getting over ANOTHER cold that kidlet gave her from Pre-K so I said no. But honestly, I would have said no in any case.

Because I don't need to be in some family drama.

Did I mention Lindy never asked my name?

Picture Catch Up

2011-12-09T23:13:00.000-05:00

Hesitant

2011-12-09T22:55:00.002-05:00

Yohboh was hesitant to hold Chupa for puke purposes.

Big Day

2011-12-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

Chupa puked on yohboh for the first time. I would feel bad but I think have been puked on 280 times.

Tina Fey Love

2011-12-07T23:04:00.002-05:00

I want to grow up and be Tina Fey.

I have caught up on all my 30 Rock.

I think Tina and I would be great friends.

Says Minjenah the stalker.

People I think look alike

2011-12-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

Marg Helgenberger and Kelli Giddish

The Lola adventures

2011-12-06T22:12:00.001-05:00

Lola has had a hard time being the fifth man on the Smith family totem pole.
here are some examples:

Chupa has been COVERED in dog hair and I could not figure out why. I came into our bedroom to find Lola sleeping in Chupa's co-sleeper. Which is why Chupa is covered in dog hair.

Lola has developed a taste for breast milk flavored vomit. SHUDDER.

We had a cleaning service come by on Monday. I let Lola outside for the time the service was here. As soon as Lola came in she pooped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor. A large liquid poop that made the kitchen no longer clean.

Funny Kidlet

2011-12-05T17:08:00.007-05:00

Kidlet was in bed with me and Chupa a few nights ago.

Kidlet has fallen asleep and Chupa does her nightly witching hour.

What is nightly witching hour?
An hour of screaming. I am used to it.

Kidlet wakes up and yells at me, "HAVING TWO KIDS IS TOO HARD MOMMY!"