Saturday, December 31, 2011


Sometimes, not often but sometimes, being a mommy is really fucking hard.

Happiness is

Happiness is listening to my four year old sing to herself in the bath while nursing Chupa.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Suckiest Christmas Break Ever - DO NOT READ THIS IF YOUR STOMACH IS WEAK

Since the Xmas break started, Kidlet has been sick where she puked on me, Chupa has been sick where she pukes on me every day and now I have been sick.

This is literally all I have done: made breakfast for kidlet, fed the baby and peed OUT OF MY BUTT, changed diapers. I did not eat anything because I was icky nauseous. I felt so terrible that I could not make kidlet lunch. She ate crackers and cheese.

Actual conversation while I am on the toilet

kidlet: Mommy, are you peeing?
Minjenah: No, honey I am pooping.
Kidlet: Are you sure you are not peeing?
Minjenah: I am sure.

I have been like this for two days.

Yeah, bring on 2012.

My Girls

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Tummy Time

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New Bracelets

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Sleeping on daddy

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I love kidlet's hands on Chupa.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Helen Gurley Brown

I remember reading an interview with Helen Gurley Brown once where she said she got super excited about having diarrhea because it made her lose weight.

I was not even my teen years when I read this and I found the concept disgusting. Because no powerful man is ever asked for weight loss tips. No one asks Donald Trump how to keep the pounds at bay. But here is a feminine icon telling me she liked to shit liquid to keep her skinny.

I think that we will know when women are truly equal is when a corpulent woman is elected to the presidency.

And even now, I think of Helen Gurley Brown every time I have diarrhea.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Good Thing

It's a good thing that my girls are really cute when they are sleeping.

Bad Day

You know it is a bad day when you have already lost your shit twice and it is not even noon and you have not had a cup of coffee.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Reflections on Crackerville

I still hate Crackerville.

Here are the vignettes:

The woman who did not raise her own children because they were taken away from her by the state is bragging that her granddaughter can read. The grandmother is raising the grand daughter. This child is six months younger than kidlet. The 37 year old grandmother then gives me advice on how to teach my child to read. Because she did such a stellar job on her two other children.

By the way, if a child calls the grandmother "Mom" and her mother "Pam", it does not bode well.

And the idiot who threw me in the pool on my wedding day (still waiting for an apology-me hold a grudge?), is apparently mildly successful now. Yohboh was giving him props for getting his shit together at thirty fucking three. Meanwhile his first child, who I have named Muma, is flunking Algebra to the point that the woman he lives with (who is his maternal grandmother from what I gather because neither idiot or his baby mama is competent to raise their own - way to get his shit together idiot) shaved his head. Muma (who is Male Uma, as in Thurman), apparently cried hysterically because he is no longer attractive without his lustrous, golden, lice coated locks.

Then there is the mother of the reading four year old. She is 19 and has two children and is about to marry a man who beat her while she was pregnant with his baby. She was not there but her mother, the one who brags that her grand child can read, filled me in on all the details.

Also, I did not get to eat there because I was too busy watching kidlet and Chupa. Which is not really a hardship because the food is on par with the company.

Where was yohboh during all this shit? Helping Crazy Old Grandmother (COG) make dinner. Because since she lives alone, she is incapable of preparing the side dishes. We brought the protein.

I will admit she make a stellar pie crust. So out of that whole crappy day, that was the nice thing.

The annoying part for me was when Muma asked for a hug. I did not hear him and did not give him one. He got all sad and said, "I guess I am not important." How sad is that a person you interact with for perhaps 30 minutes out of a calendar year can make you feel so terrible? Particularly when the people who made you do not give you as much attention as I did? Manipulative little bitch.

Family Pictures

Has anyone read Family Pictures? Sue Miller is a terrific writer.

The little details are just right. There is a little aside about how the mother eats all her children's leftover's for breakfast and washes it down with lukewarm coffee. I thought of that this morning when I ate kidlet's leftover oatmeal with cool tea.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Picture Catch Up

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In Her Bumbo. Kidlet wanted to show off her new dolls.

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All my love

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In Crackerville.

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Kidlet was doing sympathy crying for Chupa.

Amazing Poops

Chupa had two amazing poops yesterday. One shot poop up to her shoulders. One shot poop into her socks where her toes were covered in poop.


Hey old people!

Do not tell the mother of a newborn how you spontaneously fall over and almost set fire to your house then get mad when you cannot hold the baby.

Because quite clearly, you have no control of your own shit.


Saturday, December 24, 2011

The best things I ever got

The best things I ever got are my girls.

Merry Christmas

Kidlet got lost at the store with yohboh. Both were upset when they came home. Yohboh because he was terrified he lost his eldest child. Kidlet was terrified because she had gotten lost in the store. Kidlet was so hysterical that she could not tell me what happened because she was hiccup crying.


Merry Christmas

Friday, December 23, 2011

Long Day

Kidlet puked three times last night. There was also a few bouts of diarrhea. I took her to the doctor and he gave her something for the vomiting.

The whole house smelled of vomit and poop.

Chupa was quite content.

Out of Sight

George Clooney is really fucking hot in Out of Sight.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Puke Day

Chupa still pukes on me. I am actually pretty good at catching it and very rarely does it get on anything but the towel or diaper I have on hand. And her pukes are all milk so it very easy to clean up and not smelly.

Kidlet just puked on me.

That was just fucking gross.

Pizza chunks in my hair.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Picture Catch Up

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She dressed herself

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Sisters. Chupa is doing blue steele.

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Tummy Time

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Happy little thing!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Kidlet had a cavity. I did not get my first cavity until my thirties. WTF?

Kidlet cried during the drilling. And she does not like the dentist anymore.


Monday, December 19, 2011


Kidlet's definition of peaceful: "You know, when you cut a pizza and there are a lot of pieces. That is peaceful."


There is something particularly gratifying about using a nasal aspirator and getting a long rope of snot.

Also the kidlet calls a nasal aspirator a booger sucker. I love that.

The Power of Three

Kidlet loves watching any iteration of Charlie's Angels except for the 2011 TV show.

She also loves any fashion magazine that have three women on the cover.

I find the development of Kidlet fascinating.

Four going on fourteen

When we had the IPAD, kidlet would watch youtube videos. I showed her Sesame Street and Glee videos. Somehow, she found videos of people applying cosmetics. These fascinated her.

She loves to look at Glamour magazine, especially at the make up sections.

And we were watching the Today show where they were showing holiday make up. Kidlet sat still and was fascinated.

And she keeps stealing my old make up. She is particularly fond of the stuff that is really expensive.


Neck still hurts

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Neck Pain

I slept funny last night and my neck cannot turn to the left.

Kidlet went to a birthday party at Monkey Joe's. Chupa was still pretty sick so she and I did not go. Yohboh took kidlet. I am sad I did not get to go because I like to watch kidlet play.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I do take pictures every day

I do take pictures every day, it's just that sometimes I do not have the time to upload them.

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They call me MISTER Squinty!

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Kidlet's favorite toy is a cardboard box.

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Before her first set of immunizations.

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Sunny and happy girl.

Losing my shit

I finally get Chupa to sleep for the first time in three days.

She is sick and miserable.

I am sick and miserable as well.

Kidlet comes into the room singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs.

Chupa is no longer asleep.

Chupa is so upset that she puked.

I am blogging right now so I do not lose my shit.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Breaking my Heart

Kidlet's room is a sty. I told her she could watch a movie when she cleaned her room. Kidlet dawdled and got distracted. She built an elaborate block thing. She got two shipping boxes and made a ship. She read many books. Finally, it is her bedtime and I tell her to go to bed. She bursts into tears.

I ask kidlet why she is crying. She says, "I had no fun today! All I did was clean, clean, clean!"

Thursday, December 15, 2011


All the girls are still sick.

Big Chupa

I realized that I have neglected to post Chupa's height and weight at birth. It was 8 pounds and 8 ounces and 20 inches.

At her first check up she had gained a pound.

I took her to the doctor today. She is 17 pounds 11 ounces and 24.5 inches. That is nine weeks from her first check up.

Big Chupa spending G's.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Damn Tired

Chupa snores like a 320 pound man. It makes for challenging sleeping.


Lola is twitching to eat the dying bird.

Bird Death

A bird flew into one of our sliding glass doors. There is bird blood on the glass. YUCK!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

More Picture Heinz

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My little angel

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Sunny Girl

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Apple Cheeks!

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DBW comes by for some Smith girl love.

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Christmas Performance

Kidlet had her Christmas thing.

Chupa slept through it.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Mommy, that is not a real robot

Tired and sick

The girls are sick again.

Chupa sure can scream for a long time.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Welcome to the world Cheese Curd

My sister Stinky gave birth to her daughter, Cheese Curd.

My parents have four grand daughters in four years.

Diarrhea of the Mouth

The other day someone came to our door asking for the green tomatoes that were on the still on the plants. Yohboh said yes and off this toothless man went to pick them. Later the neighbor who this man belongs to came by. I had never met this neighbor so I went out to say hello. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

Lindy proceeded to tell me her whole life story including but not limited to her bankruptcy, her divorce, her house going into foreclosure, the death of her divorced husband. There is more but I start tuning it out because quite clearly, she is crazy.

Then her weird son Lucas came by. He is about ten. Lindy warned me that Lucas will try to come by my house and claim that Lindy beats her. I have seen Lucas around the neighborhood before doing juvenile antics. In other words, I dislike Lucas. I think he is in sore need of some discipline. I would not let my godson play with him.

Later this week, Lucas came by to tell me my dog was out and that she growled at him. My dog would never do that and I know it is bullshit. Then he stood at the door and asks if he could come in. Chupa was getting over ANOTHER cold that kidlet gave her from Pre-K so I said no. But honestly, I would have said no in any case.

Because I don't need to be in some family drama.

Did I mention Lindy never asked my name?

Friday, December 09, 2011

Picture Catch Up

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Yohboh was hesitant to hold Chupa for puke purposes.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Big Day

Chupa puked on yohboh for the first time. I would feel bad but I think have been puked on 280 times.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Tina Fey Love

I want to grow up and be Tina Fey.

I have caught up on all my 30 Rock.

I think Tina and I would be great friends.

Says Minjenah the stalker.

People I think look alike

Marg Helgenberger and Kelli Giddish

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The Lola adventures

Lola has had a hard time being the fifth man on the Smith family totem pole.
here are some examples:

Chupa has been COVERED in dog hair and I could not figure out why. I came into our bedroom to find Lola sleeping in Chupa's co-sleeper. Which is why Chupa is covered in dog hair.

Lola has developed a taste for breast milk flavored vomit. SHUDDER.

We had a cleaning service come by on Monday. I let Lola outside for the time the service was here. As soon as Lola came in she pooped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor. A large liquid poop that made the kitchen no longer clean.

Monday, December 05, 2011

Funny Kidlet

Kidlet was in bed with me and Chupa a few nights ago.

Kidlet has fallen asleep and Chupa does her nightly witching hour.

What is nightly witching hour?
An hour of screaming. I am used to it.

Kidlet wakes up and yells at me, "HAVING TWO KIDS IS TOO HARD MOMMY!"

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Picture Heinz

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My blue eyed baby

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My girls

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Kidlet got a haircut.  Four inches at a real hair salon.  Yohboh took her.

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Foot comparison

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Hand comparison

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Kidlet with long hair

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Kidlet's new hat, scarf and gloves

Bass Down Low

Kidlet: Daddy, why does she like the bass down low?

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Still sick a haiku

All the girls piled into the king sized bed our noses full of snot.

Friday, December 02, 2011


Did you know yohboh never gets sick?

Kidlet is sleeping hard.


Kidlet is sick so we are all piled in bed in a recovery pile.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Sick Family

Our whole family is sick.

Chupa has puked in my mouth. Kidlet never did that.

Kidlet went to bed 90 minutes before her bedtime.

Chupa is coughing and the amount of snot that comes out of her nose is astounding.

I do have pictures but I am sick too. And too tired.

Late Posting

Yesterday was yohboh's birthday. I love him.