Saturday, February 28, 2009

Something Cute

Ava said yesterday, "Daddy, I dong sah."

Man Logic

This evening, I walk into the TV room and Yohboh is putting a kitchen towel on his pants and rubbing. I ask what he is doing. He says he is wiping up some beer he spilled. I come over to help him to discover that it is not a spot on his pants, it is a good eight inch pool of beer. I suggest he change his pants. He declines. I say fine and help him blot his pants. He then sheepishly admits he also spilled beer on the futon as well. So we change the sheet on the futon and he changes his pants as well. My question is if I did not come along, would he had kept his beer stained pants on and left the beer stain on the futon so that it would smell of stale beer all Sunday?

No Nap Saturday

Reallly dislike no nap days. Because there is a 20 minute scream fest that normally is not there.

Papoose

Friday, February 27, 2009

Wet Sock Solution

So it was raining like cats, dogs and elephants today. I went to run some errands like I normally do and I was wearing my crocs. It has been chilly, so I was wearing socks with my crocs (look! I made a rhyme!) Since it was raining cats, dogs and elephants the holes in my crocs let the wet into my socks (Why do I feel like I am in a Dr. Suess book?). It was an icky feeling. So at Kroger, I went inside and asked a bag girl for a small plastic baggie. She handed me one and I went outside and took off my wet socks, put my feet barefoot in my wet crocs, wrung out my wet socks and put them in the plastic baggie and put them in my purse. Then I went inside to shop.

The bag girl looked at me oddly.

No Nap Mischief

Ava did not nap today. I really dislike that.

No nap, all mischief
Get this party STARTED QUICKLY!

Something I don't get

This is from a blog I read:

"When I was 11, God saved me out of a life of evil and destruction and gave me a new heart passionate about glorifying Him. "

How did God do that to an eleven year old? How evil is an eleven year old? How is an eleven year old headed for destruction? Were they short selling the future to make a quick buck today? Did they waterboard? Were they selling smack? Were they spreading the word of Satan? Were they making up stories so the American people believed we should go to war because of a dis of their parents?


I don't think an eleven year old is inherently evil or bad is all I am saying.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

One Year Ago today

Do you see my necklace?

Wearing Garfield shoes

My mother brought these by recently. They used to belong to my sister.
Wearing Garfield shoes

Ava built a tower

She built this tower
See the look of pride?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Empathy

Yohboh works hard at his job so he falls asleep earlier than the toddler.

Daddy Sleeping
Shh Mama! Daddy is sleeping!


Daddy Sleeping
I give him a night night kiss!

Daddy Sleeping
Night Night Daddy!

Shhh!
Shhh! Mama! Daddy is sleeping!

Top Chef

The person I want to win Top Chef never wins!

SCREAM

So Ava is having a temper tantrum about her nap. The fact that she is having the tantrum is a good indication that she needs the nap.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Booty

Ava knows where her booty is. She also knows where Elmo's booty is as well as Daddy's.

Playing with a ball

Monday, February 23, 2009

Cutie

So Ava sings That's How You Know from Enchanted to herself before she goes to sleep.

I see You!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Book List

This is on my Facebook as well

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

I have read 67. I also put my notes in italics because seriously, I should have read the complete works of William Shakespeare?

Also, please note I am in a book club and a good portion of these I read because of that.

Copy, edit and paste into a note of your own. Please share...place an X next to the ones you've read.

X 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
X 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
X 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
X 4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
X 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
X 6 The Bible - (All of the Old Testament some of the New)
X 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
X 8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
X 9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
X 10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
X 11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
X 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (Seriously? THE COMPLETE WORKS?)
X 15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
X 16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
X 18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
X 19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
X 20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
X 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
X 22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
X 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
X 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
X 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
X 28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
X 29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
X 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
X 32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
X 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
X 34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
X 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
X 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
X 39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
X 40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
X 41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
X 42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
X 46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
X 48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
X 49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
X 50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
X 51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
X 52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
X 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
X 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
X 58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
X 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
X 61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
X 62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
X 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
X 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
X 66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
X 67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
X 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville ( I tried, it sucked so I stopped)
X 71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
X 75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
X 79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
X 81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
X 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
X 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
X 85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
X 86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
X 87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
X 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
X 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
X 94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
X 95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
X 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
X 98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
X 100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

The Academy Awards

What the Superbowl is to men is what the Academy Awards are to women:

1) There is a lot of hype
2) There is a pre pre show on a channel other than the one broadcasting it (ESPN, E!)
3) There is a pre show
4) It is way too long
5) It is kinda boring
6) There are a lot of commercials
7) Unless you are really vested in a team or movie, you don't really care but watch it anyway
8) There is nothing else on TV to watch
9) One sex likes it a lot and the other sex will watch it begrudgingly
10) Yet the pre pre show channel will talk about it endlessly until the next one.

The Force is Strong in her

Use The Force

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Doctor's Visit

Ava went to the doctor today for her two year check up. She is 32 pounds and 34 inches tall. The heuristic for adult height is doubling the height at two so she will be five eight, plus or minus two inches. She still hates the doctor. As soon as she was put on the exam table she started crying.

Cutie through glass

Dollar Bin

I love the dollar bin at Target. I got Ava two new pairs of sunglasses:

Here she is modeling one pair.

Sunglasses

And DBW with the other pair:
DBW

Also here are the two of them reading. How cute is this?
DBW and Baby reading

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ava curling up

Ava says, "Cold Outside." when it is cold outside.
Curling up

Baby Mop Ad


Baby Mop from Chris Milk on Vimeo.

Yeah, this is cool.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Humidity

So there was hail tonight amidst a LOT of rain

Hail

So Ava got her famous Superman Curlicue:
Daddy Love

Another Work Memory

In the same company that had the sodden Vache and her silo tits, there was another woman that I will call Ninny. This was a large multinational company so Ninny came from a tiny country in Europe that had an office of this large multinational company. The country itself was actually smaller in population that the city limits where I live. Ninny had a severe overbite, a Greek heritage and an inferiority complex about being a European in America. Ninny was also very desperate for male companionship. When she found out I was engaged, she hounded me about how I had met my fiance and how I had convinced him to marry me. She would tell me about her internet dating schemes and how they never seemed to work. She was a very thick girl in the way that her pants made a zip zip zip noise when she walked quickly.

The break room was across the hall from my office. Ninny had an elaborate tea philosophy that she would trap people into talking to her about. She always seemed to be trapping the men in the office into talking about her and her tea. The new kid who had just graduated high school and was the warehouse stock boy was also in the break room being trapped by Ninny. He had the deer in headlights look when the semi is going 90MPH to hit you dead. I had actually been looking for him because he had filled out a form incorrectly and I needed him to fill it out again. He actually pushed Ninny out of the way to come into my office to complete the correct paperwork. When he did, she spilled her hot tea all over her crotch and inner thighs.

Ninny started crying that she had burned herself. I suggested that she go to the bathroom and take care of it. The kid filled out his paperwork. While he was finishing up, Ninny came into my office to get the first aid kid. I handed it to her (Why was the first aid kit in my office? Because I was in human resources! Does that make sense? Because everyone knows if you are in human resources you have medical training!) and asked if she was alright. When someone asks if you are alright, it is a throwaway question. It's like a how are you? Or nice weather we are having yes? Ninny replied no and that she needed the burn cream.

So I took back the first aid kit and handed her the burn cream. I had turned to go back to my desk when I heard the unfastening of her zip zip zip pants and her ask, "Will you put the cream on for me?" The kid muttered he would come back later and RAN out my office like I had been shot. Ninny followed and shut the door behind him. This left me, Ninny, the burn cream and her zip zip zip pants at her knees.

I stammered maybe she should do that herself. She said that it hurt too much and handed me the cream and started crying. So I sucked it up and put the cream on her inner thighs. I sat in the chair in front of my desk and did what had to be done.

Ninny was a hairy woman. She had very hairy thighs. Think Cha Ka from Land of the Lost. Also, she had a very hairy crotch. It was like rubber necking a car accident- you don't want to look but YOU CANNOT!

So the cream combined with all the hair into this nasty paste. And Ninny's thighs were like touching a puddle. She had no muscle tone whatsoever. They rippled like a puddle where I put the cream on. I had no idea thighs could be so puddle like. Also, I had been putting a good distance between me and Ninny's crotch but she kept violating my space by inching closer and I kept backing up that by the end I was backed up into the wall.

When I ran out of cream, I got up and told her I was going to wash my hands. I got up, opened the door not caring that her zip zip zip pants were still at her knees and washed my hands in the hottest water I could get.

Later, she told people that I had come onto her and that she wanted to file sexual harassment against me. The kid said no, Ninny insisted that I put the cream on her and undid her pants in front of him. Ninny got the kid fired. She was sent home to her tiny country with her hairy puddle thighs never to be heard from again.

I told my friend N. about this later that day and she said that I was a Weird Shit Magnet. I had to agree.

And I think puddle thighs is a good band name.

Thank you Kansas City! We are Puddle Thighs! Good Night!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Cheers

Ava drinks water. She calls it WAWA.

Drinking Wawa

Cheers!

This is her clinking glasses with her daddy.

Monday, February 16, 2009

No Naps

Ava has not taken naps for three days in the last week. This troubles me.

SCRUNCHY
I love to trouble Mama.

The power of a mother

I was having a conversation with my mother and within 15 seconds I went from happy to annoyed then exasperated and ticked.

Wow! This is the power she has over me.

I wonder if I will piss off Ava this much....

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Little Miss Ava went to a Farm

Little Miss Ava went to a Farm E I E I O

Baby

She went to this farm with her friend Ayden E I E I O
Ayden

And on this farm they played with a toy Corvette
Vette

And some chickens E I E I O
Chickens

Any by the end, Ava was tired E I E I O
Passed out!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Circus

Ava went to the circus today with her GaGa and Papa. She liked it very much. We also had a lovely meal but that is for another blog.

Big Girl

Friday, February 13, 2009

Cutie in an ugly hat

So a few years ago, I gave yohboh an ugly hat. He loves this hat although it has caused derision amongst his friends and family. It is very warm. Every winter, he loses this hat for some reason or another.

For Valentine's day, I got him another version of this hat which Ava is modeling.
Cutie

I think it warmer and uglier.

Ava one year ago on her birthday

Mama, I am about to pout

Ava is Two

So my folks and Yohboh's folks came by to celebrate. Here are a few pictures:

Happy Birthday
The Birthday girl in her dress and jammies underneath.

Happy Birthday
Eating cake. She ate a whole slice!

Happy Birthday
In her Han Bok

Happy Birthday
In her other han bok.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Two Years Old

Ava turns two today. She has no idea what her birthday is but she can say,"Happy To You!". We are going to have a small shin dig with my folks and yohboh's folks later tonight.

So I have been a mom for two years. Last year, I wrote about what I learned about myself and the way I am as a mother.

This year, I am going to talk about how I am as a wife and mother.

1) I love my husband.

2) I love my daughter.

3) That being said, I do not have a burning need to protect my husband like I do my daughter. If someone messes with his shit, I expect him to beat their ass. If someone messes with Ava, I will unleash hell.

4) Yohboh is an excellent father. He appreciates Ava for Ava. He also likes to let her work things out whereas I am more likely to rescue. I really like when they wrestle together.

5) Ava gets smarter and smarter. Today, before nap she said, "Night Night. Sleep Tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite." Where she gets this, I have no idea.

6) Being a good parent is knowing your child. My mother claims to know me but she made me feel trapped when she would say that. I do not wish that on anyone so I will try not to do that to Ava.

7) How could someone who looked like this:
be two already? They days do drag sometimes but the years fly by.

8) Parenthood is fun. It is a lot of other things that put people full of dread (You will never sleep again, your sex life will be worse, you will never connect to your spouse) but most of all it is fun.

9) Grandmothers are still crazy. Grandfathers are a bit nutty as well.

10) Babies are not babies long enough. Just when you get the hang of it, they change on you.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Ava one year ago today.

TV face

Ava does not want to work

Ava wants to bang her drum all day.

Bang My DRUM

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Ava one year ago today

Since her birthday is this week, I am doing a bit of reflection.

Thinking about looking at grass

She only had four teeth a year ago!

Why Toddlerhood is so awesome

Ava said, "I love my mama and I love my daddy" tonight, WITHOUT PROMPTING!

My Cutie Playing

Duck with a Dick

So here is a rubber ducky with a dick. I think the funniest part is that it is sold out.

A Work Memory

One of the jobs I hated the most I had while I was planning my wedding. I worked for someone whose title was "Director of Human Resources". She was actually a secretary (a bad one at that) who was needlessly promoted to the point where she was incompetent. Let's call her Vache (It is cow in French, I will explain).

She was a morbidly obese black woman who did not how to do Human Resources. So she made me do everything (create PTO policy, process paychecks and create an employee handbook) and she took all the credit. She was one of those filthy people who liked to have "dirt" on everyone. To give you an example, when you were hired through the company, a credit and background check are run. After you are hired, most companies don't do one for a while unless going through an audit. This crazy bitch ran a background and credit check monthly on EVERY EMPLOYEE because she liked to know what each person was spending money on. Her life was better knowing that you got a new refrigerator or that you were late on your house note.

Vache was so morbidly obese that she got her boob caught in a drawer. First, imagine how large your breast must be to get it caught in the drawer of a five drawer file cabinet for legal files, like this one. Second, she got it caught IN THE BOTTOM DRAWER. So she was leaning over, put a file in, and closed the drawer with a mammoth torpedo breast that was so large that she did not know that she closed on it.

When this occurred, she made this crazy sound of pain and was holding her chest. I came in to find her like this and was convinced Vache had had a heart attack. I was thinking, "Crap Crap CRAP! I do not want to give this cow mouth to mouth. Also, if she falls I am not going to help her since she is three times me."

I asked, "Vache, what is wrong?"

She had this annoying soft breathy voice, "I slammed my titty in a drawer." and pointed to the bottom drawer, which was half open.

My mind is SCREAMING with laughter. But I kept it professional and asked if there was anything I could do to help. She replied that she would like some ice. So I got her some. Then I called my husband and we laughed together.

When I left this company, Vache would call me and ask me to call her back. There were many things I had done that she had no idea how to do. So she would make it a friendly guise and leave a message. I sent her an email stating that I had started a new job and had left her all the tools she needed to do what needed to be done. I never returned her calls.

I found out later that she was fired for incompetence and wasting company funds (running a credit check at 75 dollars a pop is foolish). And everytime I think of her, I think about her silo boobs.

Precocious and precious

Ava climbed out of her crib during her nap. I thwarted her and when I put her back, she said: night night sleep tight.

Monday, February 09, 2009

One year ago today

Daddy and Baby

Worn Out

I am worn out. Toddlerhood is very tiring.

Toddler
Ava still can go.

Ava went to the playground

Ava told me this morning, "No, Mama. That's mine."

Later we went on the playground and she slid by herself with Daddy showing her.





Later, she did it ALL BY HERSELF!


She had a lot of fun
At the playground

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Cutie

Ava went to Gah Gah's while we went out to dinner. She is a cutie!

Cutie

A few Nutty pictures

JC took over my camera while he was over tonight and took these:

Cutie

Giant Baby

Friday, February 06, 2009

Sesame Street

Yes I am blogging about Sesame Street again. This time, I saw Jenny McCarthy and Christopher Meloni on an episode. So I thought about Jenny's boobs and Mr. Meloni's pee pee.

Yeah, I am a sick woman.

Why

Ava is not asking the why yet but this made me chuckle.

Via Kottke

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Cheeky E

Ava has been grouchy lately. I think she misses her daddy.

Superstar

Saving Money

So I have been reading a lot of money saving blogs and one thing is interesting. Ninety percent of them are "children of God" or have let "God into my life". So here is my edict: Christians like clipping coupons.

Did I offend anyone with that statement?

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Two Things

1)Ava's favorite snacks lately are carrot sticks.

2) Ava said bye bye to N. today. It made her week.

Cutie

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

My rap name would be lil' Sneezy

I am allergic to cats. There are cats that like to hang out underneath the house. They make me sneeze. My Mother in Law told me I should not be sneezing because the ventilation is a closed system. I think that is bullshit because I am sneezing all the fucking time today. Yohboh suggested I breathe through my mouth. LIKE THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME! It makes me sneeze more.

Quit sneezing!
Ava wants me to quit sneezing too.

Oh Crap

Ava got out of her crib this morning. She got out and ran into our bedroom and got into bed with me. SHE IS A BABY NO MORE!

Monday, February 02, 2009

Beer

Ava and I were at the grocery store last week when the Budweiser guy was delivering. Ava looked at the man with the handtruck and distinctly said, "Beer."

Never have I been so proud.

Gimme List

This is my gimme list. As, in I get a gimme if I meet this person and they want to make the beast with the two backs and yohboh cannot get mad. He has one too, but this is my blog so if you want to know his, ask him.

1) Brad Pitt (Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt, specifically)
2) Sean Connery (Dr. No)
3) Angelina Jolie (Gia)
4) Angela Bassett (What's Love got to do with it)
5) Zachary Levi (Chuck)

New Hairstyle

Daddy did this hairstyle

New Hairstyle

25 Random Things About Me

I did this on Facebook so here it is:

1) I am naturally a night person. I am my most awake at 2 AM. No one else is awake at that hour, much to my chagrin. So I spend too much time on the internet.

2) Right before I am my most tired, I will get this surge of energy and wind everyone around me up. Then I pass out. Many people have complained about this.

3) I don't like alcohol but I have a large knowledge of alcohol related things like single malt scotch and how vodka is made.

4) I have a large knowledge of many things. I fear at times that I am a Jane of many trades and an expert to none.

5) I like to worry. If I have nothing to worry about, then I worry about that.

6) I like to read cookbooks before I go to sleep. Drifting off thinking about caramelizing onions is great thing.

7) I avoid drinking coffee because it makes me crash in the early afternoon. But I like the smell of it.

8) I wish I was a better writer.

9) I wish I knew how to use all the fancy buttons on my nice camera.

10) I wake up grumpy and mad, regardless of how much sleep I get.

11) I laugh a lot more now that I am married.

12) I never thought I would get married. Once I became comfortable with that idea, I met my husband. That is the universe in a nutshell.

13) I really like being a mom, more than I thought I ever would.

14) I really did not like being pregnant. It was a very uncomfortable period in my life. And I could not see my feet for months. That disturbed me, although I knew that they were there.

15) I hate vacuuming. It makes me sneeze. I hate dusting for the same reason.

16) I like strawberry preserves and chunky peanut butter cut into triangles for my PB & J's.

17) When I get really old, I am going to pretend that I do not speak English well and curse at people in some pseudo Asian language that I make up. I picture myself hunched over, waving a walking stick and carrying a large purse. This is a very good description of my fraternal grandmother.

18) I feel guilty for things that I have never done.

19) I hate getting my haircut. I like getting it shampooed.

20) I like Barney, the purple dinosaur. I also like Kai Lan, Caillou and Zaboomafu. My daughter has greatly influenced my television choices.

21) I never had a dog as a child and have decided I will always have one as an adult.

22) I am a voracious reader. I will read anything. I used to read a book all the way through but as I get older, if I am not interested in the first 10 pages, I will not finish the book.

23) I wanted to grow up and be James Bond, a OB/GYN like Cliff Huxtable or Joan Didion. I am not British, too squeamish and see number eight.

24) I love the smell of my husband's head and my daughter's neck.

25) I like my beverages either ice cold or scalding hot. I do not like to drink anything lukewarm.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Beep Beep

When Ava plays with cars, she says beep beep. HOW CUTE IS THAT?

When you say Budweiser, you've said it all

Yohboh won this Budweiser hat and Ava has taken to wearing it.

Budweiser
Nascar Baby