Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ava's Third Bath





So sue us. The first two baths were difficult enough with a slippery infant. This time, we did get photos.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

My Kid


To the left to the left


Are you talking to me?????

Monday, February 26, 2007

Boobs Make Milk

Pumping your boobs and making milk is a very strange concept.

It reminds me that we are animals, no matter how evolved we get.

Ten Pounds

So Ava went to the doctor for the second time.

The first time she weighed nine pounds four ounces.

This time ten pounds.

What a butterbean!

New Ailment

My mother claims to have stomach cancer from the terrible way I am raising my baby.

Fucking cunt.

DAMN HORMOTIONAL SELF

My sister's post made me tear up.

WHEN THE FUCK DID I BECOME A SOFTIE?

Baby Farts

My Baby's farts stink

Sunday, February 25, 2007

First Guests

Well we had a few people over to admire the baby.

My mother came by and was hysterical that OTHER people were handling the baby.

Maybe she will make up a disease, like a heart condition (Stinky going out of state to college or my father having cancer) so that I will listen to her.

Sigh.

More Pictures of Ava





Those of you who do not read my blog but are interested in the fruit of my womb here you go.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Salty

I was speaking with my sister the other day and she was telling me that she found my blog salty.

I like that.

I have a salty blog.

How Daddy and Ava get along

unconsciously

Friday, February 23, 2007

Post Office Rant

Well I got my birth announcements yesterday. They are super cute post cards. But I need to get post card stamps. I went to the post office to get said stamps. I used one of their vending machines. I needed about 40 stamps so I put a ten dollar bill in and bought one book and get $7.60 in change in those weird dollar coins. I put the dollar coins back in to get more stamps. The vending machine would not take the dollar coins they it just spit out at me.

So now I have seven of these annoying coins.

Post offices suck.

My daughter

There are many moods to my 11 day old daughter.

Trapped


Pensive


Peckish


FREE AT LAST!
THANK GOD ALMIGHTY
FREE AT LAST!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Pain

So I think the new meaning of life is pain.

As in, to give birth women feel pain.

As in, to breastfeed, women feel pain.

As in, I went to Kroger for the first time since giving birth and I was in pain leaving her for ten minutes.

I think I am in love

You know you are in love when you are woken at four AM every morning, demanding to be fed, and diaper changed and YOU LIKE IT.

But who would not like this face?

I am such her bitch

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Studies on my kid

Ava chillin with her dad
Ava has feet
Ava as Jesus
Taking pictures of the most awesome, 9 million levels of cute kid is FUN!

Plums

My mom brought me some plums today......

Wow, I am in agony

I had to go to Kroger today to pick up some medicine from the pharmacy. The distance from the entrance to the pharmacy has never been an issue.

NOW IT IS.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE THE PHARMACY SO FAR AWAY?

DON'T THEY KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED THEIR PAIN MEDS?


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

You know you are tired when

you know when you are tired when you fall asleep bitching on your blog about how tired you are.

With your hands on the keyboard.

Sitting up.

And your mouth wide open.

My mother and I

My mother came today to help with the baby. Actually, she overfed the baby and did not know how to check the new fangled nappy. Apparently, you could stick your finger in a diaper and tell. The new diapers have crystals which wick off the moisture so it could be loaded with pee and feel bone dry.

Goddamn Technology.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Super Pooper

For those who don't know, I am a bit obsessed with poop. Well, this obsession has now been transferred to my daughter. We have been home since Friday, and she has not pooped. We went to the doctor today and he reassured me that this is totally normal. A baby who is eating primarily breast milk will not poop but a few times a week.

NOT A FEW TIMES A WEEK?

UNACCEPTABLE.

Well, Grandma K. came over because she needed a baby fix. Ava farted SO LOUD that it alarmed the dog! And we checked, there was POOP! Liquidy poop! Grandma K. elects to do the diaper change. As she is wiping Ava's ass, Ava fart/poops a projectile fart/poop that lands all over her hand. Grandma K. laughs hysterically when this occurs. AVA IS STILL POOPING!

I was very joyful as well.

Here are some photos of the super pooper.

Ava looking like Gramps Kwang
She has such tiny hands.

Birth Story Part Three : The Aftermath

February 14, 15, and 16 2007.

Wednesday is Valentine's day. The way I realize that is the lovely heart printed paper my yucky breakfast is on. The next three days are a percoset blur.

My mother in law is sweet and brings Yohboh and I a card as well as Ava one as well. My mother brings a buttload of food including a rather bland, not unpleasant seaweed stew that is to improve my lactation. Also, kimbob and more fruit that two and a quarter people cam really eat. And a sweet potato tea that is to reduce swelling. This tea is gross but I drink it because my mom may be nuts, but she is right enough times that I should listen.

Ava is very popular in the nursery. Most babies don't get to spend that much time in the hospital but Ava does because she was soo big her mama had to have major abdominal surgery. She earns two nicknames. One is Juicy, which I really like. The other is Big Mama. I am Little Mama, since I am so small to have such a large baby. Also, my doctor deliver seven babies on the day that Ava was born, but mine was the largest. By two pounds. (Overachiever minjenah is SO PROUD)

Ava loses quite a bit of weight, seven ounces overall. There is a lactation consult. The lactation consultant has lovely red hair and brings me a breast pump. It is called the Symphony II. I am to continue to pump to encourage my milk to come in. Imagine watching a honey like substance come out of your boobs. Imagine having a lovely red headed lactation consultant take it off your boobs with a latex gloved finger and smear it on the mouth of your child. HOW NATURAL IS THAT?

Also, every time I try to nap, someone calls, a nurse has to give me my meds or take my blood pressure. I cannot get any rest.

On Thursday, yohboh has to return to school/work. I am by myself and the baby. The nurses are wonderful but I really do want to take care of my baby. I try, but apparently having a c-section means that I cannot lean over, get up, sit very comfortably and picking up the baby is hard. I get very frustrated. And tired.

On another note, I am complemented by every nurse on my excellent record keeping (valedictorian of pregnancy) on Ava's poops, pees, as well as feedings.

On Friday Ava puts on real clothes. Yohboh actually puts them on. He actually has really strong opinions on what looks good on our child. Here is yohboh looking quite proud of himself:
Yohboh first dressed Ava in pink.

We put Ava, ALL OF OUR SHIT in the car and go home. We uh-dohed a lot of formula, and diapers and other baby things.

I think Karen is home when we are but I am not sure. I am delirious from all this activity. I pass out.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

How my yohboh is so awesome

So I was up all night trying to feed the baby since I have a clogged milk duct. Yohboh was up most of the night as well. At eight AM I passed out for two hours and was awoken to this:

Cracker Barrelesque breakfast

Birth Story Day Two or Why I am Off Plums

February 13, 2007

At four AM, I am awoken to remove the pee bag from me. It is confusing for me since the Dose button and I still working out the terms of our friendship. The pee bag is removed and I am shown how to use the largest maxipads I have ever seen and the anti sexy mesh panties, which I discover are great at being comfortable. I am shown how to wash my vagina (I am calling it a vagina right now because this is so clinical) with a spray bottle. Also, I am to tell the nurse when I pee three times.

In addition, I have sweat so much that my hair is NAPPY!

The baby was taken away the night before because she is grunting. Grunting is an indication of an excess of mucus in an infant. She spends the night in the nursery being observed. She vomits up a lot of mucus and loses an ounce in weight.

At seven AM, I am given something to help me fart. Every few hours, someone comes by to ask me if I farted. Well actually, pass gas is what they said. Around 11 am I did fart and pleaser that I am, I tell the nurse immediately.

The pee thing is awful. I am told that I must pee three times and each pee must have a volume of 250 mililiters. My first one is only 100 ml. It is a pain in the ass to pee. I have to drag my DOSE box, my injured gut and my IV to the bathroom, remember to fill the damn squeeze bottle with warm water, put this plastic hat thing in the toilet to collect my pee, slowly stand up, take the plastic hat thing out of the toilet and put it somewhere and wash my vagina with the warm water (I did use cold water a few times but it was for times sake because I had enough of waiting for the water to warm up), change the largest pads in the world and well as the unsexy mesh panties. Drag my ass back to the bed with the DOSE box, IV and injured gut, get into bed and call the nurse to go look at my clotty pee.

The nurse would look at my clotty pee. Her name was Zondra. She was new. She had to consult someone else about my pee. A lot of discussion about my pee. Then it was deemed an acceptable amount and the amount was recorded on the dry erase board in my room. Also, at this point, the other person consulting about my pee says there should be clots, but to tell the nurse if the clots are larger than plums. SO NO MORE PLUMS FOR ME!

Also, around this point there is discussion about weaning me off the epidural and dose button. BUT I LOVE THAT DOSE BUTTON! We decide to do it around four o'clock. I request one Percoset because I do not want to be as drugged. I am supposed to get one or two every four hours. I pass out (this is what I do when drugged). I wake up at seven in agony. I do not know why I am in so much pain and turn to push the DOSE button. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BUTTON? I pass out again. I wake up around eleven and need to pee so badly that I am seeing things. I cannot move so Yohboh (who is so awesome) takes me to the bathroom and I cannot do anything, I am in that much pain. He collects my pee in the hat, gets me to stand up, takes my clotty pee out of the toilet hat thing, WASHES OUT MY VAGINA, changes the largest maxi pads in the universe, as well as the sexy unmeshy panties, gets me back to bed and calls the nurse to get HIS WIFE SOME DAMN MEDICINE. The nurse gives me two percosets. They were the best percosets ever. During shift change, which is at seven, no one had given me my meds. So I was told to speak up from here on out. I DID. Also, the last pee let me off the pee in the hat thing so I can shower.

So I take a shower. Guess what? I cannot lean over so I cannot wash my legs, which are covered in Betadine. I can only wash my hair until wonderful wonderful Yohboh comes in and washes my legs for me. The he dries me off. I dry my hair and pass out.

On Tuesday I also got a soft diet. It was like eating a school lunch, all day. Where else do I get beef tips that taste like bullion cubes and chocolate pudding that tastes like straw?

My parents and my mother in law come to visit and I DEMAND my mother bring me some decent food. My mother in law comes to hold the baby.

During this whole time, the baby is zonked out. I try to breast feed her and I am unsure if it is going well. I do think she is the cutest thing in the world. She sleeps a LOT those first few days.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

A happy ending with poop OR When I lost my Shit

If you do not know already, I am obsessed with my poop. I like to go. I believe a healthy person has a healthy colon.

During pregnancy, your body is no longer your own, this includes pooping. During my c-section delivery, I also had challenges pooping. Apparently, major surgery as well as some pretty strong medications will make pooping a challenge. I was in the hospital for five days, Monday through Friday. I began to be concerned around Wednesday when I did not poop.

On Thursday, my nurse Diana, recommended I take a suppository to make myself poop. I am not big on putting things up my ass, but pregnancy has helped me overcome that fear. There has been a lot of roid stuff going on up there. Diana actually did the insertion and told me to wait 30 minutes and I would poop. I waited 40, to make sure it worked. I was so excited to let the floodgates open (yes, that is a bad visual and yes I know you went there). And I sat on the toilet and waited and waited and I FELT SOMETHING.

Like a kid on Christmas, I do my duties and look around to see the damn suppository floating in the water. It was like ten thousand pees when all you need is a poop.

Well, last night I took two Colace. I have taken Senokot as well. This morning at six am I pooped. It was a huge hard poop. It hurt coming out. It felt like a big sword bejeweled with rubies, emerald and encrusted with diamonds hilt coming out of my ass.

BUT IT FINALLY CAME OUT!

The End.

Birth Story Part One: The C Section

Monday February 12, 2007

Yohboh and I went to the hospital at 11:30 for our 2:45 c-section. Yohboh was the one who insisted we go early, so anxious he is! We are in the waiting room filling out the paperwork. Around 12:30, we are sent to pre-op (room 4 to be exact). I meet Brooke, a nice pre-op nurse who is giving me an IV. I have not drank anything in about 12 hours (the doctor told me not to drink for eight but over achieving woman that I am I go for 12)

Brooke blows one of my dehydrated veins in my left hand to get an IV. That HURTS. So another nurse, whose name I have forgotten, tried one in my left wrist. She blows that as well. Finally another nurse gives me the IV in my right hand. This kind of messes up where the fluid bag should be in relation to me.

My doctor comes by to tell me that my surgery has been delayed because she has an emergency woman who needs a c-section. She is breech, baby might die. I am understanding and grateful that my doctor is so compassionate, but dammit does she know that I am having a baby? My irrational hormones! We are moved back about an hour.

Anyway, so the anaesthesiologist comes to give me an epidural. N., who is the best friend a girl can have, has to leave. I will forever call him, Dr. I-Hope-You-Get-Bloody-Hemorrhoids-for the-Rest-of-your life-then Gangrene-in-Your-Ass-and Die (Dr. Roid for short). Dr. Roid gives me a painful epidural twice. He does not let the painkiller sit on my back before jamming a FOUR INCH needle in my back. So I felt every millimeter. He missed the spot the first time and that fucker Dr. Roid jammed it in again before letting the painkiller set in. Once again feeling every millimeter.

To compensate for fucking up like that Dr. Roid pushes too much of whatever is supposed to go back there and my blood pressure drops to something crazy low like 60/30 and I begin to convulse (They said shake, but Dr. Roid's shake is my convulse). The Dr. Roid leaves and a nice man who I think is Ryan is to help me during the operation. Ryan fixes whatever Dr. Roid fucks up, puts a pee bag in me, and we are ready.

Yohboh kisses me somewhere before we are wheeled in and I begin to cry because if the epidural is easy (as every woman has said it is, in fact it is the best part) what the fuck is surgery like? I am wheeled in and I meet Rose, who is Ryan's replacement. She puts some oxygen on me and puts the drape up. I insisted the drape go up ASAP. I have no need to see what is going on. In fact, I WILL LOSE MY SHIT (more on this later) if I see what is going on.

Surgery is so fucking weird. I can feel the tugging and loosening of parts of myself that I have never touched. Right before Ava came out, I feel this burning like I have to pee really badly. During this point, I have been looking at the drape and this huge spray shower of MY BLOOD comes out. I have to look away, with something that tastes like greasy acid in the back of my throat.

Then I hear Ava cry. It is the best sound ever. She is loud and angry and lets her prescence be known. Yohboh goes with the baby and I am so drugged, I have no idea how much time passes. I mention to the good doctor that I would like the placenta for Yohboh to plant in the yard. There is stitching which I feel as tugging but not much else. Surgery is announced as completed.

I am led to a recovery room which is dizzyingly full of people and activity. I look around and there are a lot of people with other newborns in there. I am given a pain monitor for my epidural. Every time that I feel pain, I am to press the DOSE button. I love that DOSE button. That DOSE button and I are best friends. Ava is next to me being cleaned up. The nurse is very nice and washes and dresses my baby.

Ava's Jazz Hands

I try to breast feed and Ava is not interested but HOLY SHIT milk comes out of my boobs. Who fucking knew?

We are then led to the room where I will be for the next five days. Many wonderful people come to see me.
Wonderful People


My body is having a reaction to the DOSE button. I am itching like a motherfucka. The DOSE button has some issues on friendship. Why ya gotta make your buddy itch? People leave and I am left along with my awesome yohboh and my more awesome than yours kid.

My baby daddy and baby

I pass out from drugs and all else that went on. I am told many things by the recovery nurses but in my DOSE button stupor, I cannot recall anything.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Welcome to the World Baby Girl

This is Ava Jin Kye-Smith.

She weighed nine pounds six ounces at birth.

She was 21 inches long.

She was born on Feb 12, 2007 at 4:44 pm.

I had my first major medical procedure.

I will write more details about my experiece of birth because it is so unique, since no one else has ever been born.

This is minjenah's first attempt at sarcasm since her first major medical procedure.

Monday, February 12, 2007

In four hours

Well, I am showered and packed.

I have not eaten or drank anything in eight hours and I am thirsty and my heartburn is raging.

In four hours, my little girl will come into the world!

BUI

I have been dosing myself with a half Ambien every third night to get some sleep. See how careful I am? Taking half the recommended dosage to protect the FETUS

Right up there with the raw milk cheese and sushi.

I took the recommended dosage of a whole one tonight. The lovely redheaded doctor with the small hands (if you are looking for a snatch quack a main criteria is small hands) recommended I do this to get one last night of good rest.

It's like I am BUI (Blogging under the influence). Times like this I would have I enjoyed Pink Floyd (yohboh would so gloat at that ). Since I am well aware I am writing sentences that will most likely have typos and dangling participles (I HATE THOSE)

I love my yohboh. He cleaned the house, he made my dinner all the way back from the hunter gatherer stage, as in went to the store. He has promised to do the hooker strip move that makes me laugh every time during the birthing process. I want to live up to the reflection of me that is in his eyes.

When he asked me to marry him, I did not think he was built to be a man who would introduce people to his wife. He was not someone who believed in marriage and on some level I was fine with that because then it would never be like we were MARRIED. More importantly, I had given up on the idea of partners, sexual companions, and best friends all in the same person. Quite a pleasant surprise to have found it.

LADIES: FUCK YOUNGER.

They will suprise you not only in terms of stamina, but they don't have nearly as much baggage as older men do. Ever wonder who opened that first bag and accepted what was in the bag? There is a Dead Letter Office. There should a Dead Baggage Pit, like a lost without the found. The man who hits you because you remind him of his mama spanking him without his pants on. You take that shit and pass it on to the next guy. And he takes that bag of shit and passes it on to the next person. And so on.

I love men but 99.9 percent of them are not clever or complicated. They was to be fed, drunk and fucked. They do not notice there are clothes in the dryer the game is on. They would rather not care that the dog needs to go to the vet.

But they do love you enough so you hope that you are a good enough person to deserve it

What I am feeling right now

Unprepared is what I am feeling. I mean, who the fuck thinks I will be good at mothering?

My temper alone is troubling. But then I start thinking about the IDIOTS, BIGOTS, ASSHOLES who somehow become parents I am somewhat comforted by the idea that no matter how I fuck up, my child cannot be as bad as this one.

Anyway, that is what I am feeling. Also, there are needles involved and the cutting of Minjenah. Minjenah has a LOW LOW LOW tolerance for pain. I am so weak when it somes to physical pain. Pussy is Minjenah.

So far, I have repacked my bag four times. Yohboh and yohboh's mom came over to clean the damn house since it will bother me if it is not clean, apparently. I am someone who clean is a relative term of late. I mean, I cannot freakin see my damn feet so I have no idea how clean my feet are. I mean I wash them as best I can, but I am having reach problems.

I also had a bowl of high fiber cereal because I want my insides relatively clean before I am to be cut open. I have no idea why, but this thought is comforting.

So I was looking up Ava's birthday and she shares her birthday with some illustrious people and interesting events.
Like Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln.

She will be an Aquarius, her birthstone is an amethyst and OH SHIT I AM HAVING A BABY!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Last dinner as a pregnant woman

Well, I just had dinner. I have given up a lot of foods I like for this little butterbean. And I have decided to eat them NOW. This was my dinner:

Triple Creme Brie


Thick Juicy Steak

Pictures

I have taken pictures off the digital camera to make it clear for the baby pictures.

Here are a few interesting ones:

Nursery Photos







Me and my 39 week pregnant belly

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Things I know because I am pregnant that I did not know before I was pregnant and other things

There is a large set of terms that I know now that I did not know before I was pregnant.

This list includes:


Words I made up that Yohboh loves:
  • Hormotional
  • Markeded (As in more than mark-ed like Shakespeare)

Things I have experienced during pregnancy:
  • Hormotional Crying
  • Hemmorroids
  • Yeast Infections
  • Power Strip moments
  • A baby kicking inside while you are trying to have sex
  • Being fired for what my body is built to do.
  • Sitz Baths
  • Strangers coming up and TOUCHING (as in caressing in a disturbing and intimate way) my large extended pregnant belly

Dining

In the last two nights I have eaten things I have not eaten in pregnancy.

Last night it was sushi.

Tonight it was Mexican.

Yohboh missed this food too.

Also, I overhead a conversation between two women listing the wonderful qualities of their cats. Yohboh could see them but I could not. I asked, if they were women who:

  • had short hair
  • unmarried
  • all women
I was right for two out of three. There was a gay guy there too.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK

I just realized that I spent one hundred dollars on a childbirthing class I will never use!

Shocker

I have a healthy self esteem.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Weird Thing About Women

Sometimes I think women pick who to hate before who to like.

And I am not talking only females.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Let's Get it STARTED

Well, I had a doctor's appointment today.

My baby is nine pounds as of today. + or - 500 grams.

What does this mean?

Cesarean next week.

OH SHIT I AM HAVING A BABY!

Forgive and Forget

I do not know how to forgive and forget.

I can hold grudges longer than mountians will exist.

Redemption is bullshit.

Not very Christian of me, eh?

Well guess what? I think Judaeo Christian ethics are bullshit too!

A quote I like

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free".

Aaron Sorkin

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Another New Challenge

Try cutting your toenails when you are 48 inches around.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A bit too much

Okay I found a website for artwork of cesearians.

It is weird.

Fertility Thoughts

I am writing this and my child is kicking me like Adam Vinateri (A football reference people, BE AMAZED!) and I was thinking that some of the nicest people I have ever know struggled with fertility. Ironically, some of the most idiotic, cruel people I know had no problems with bearing children. In fact, they tend to have too many. I thought of my senior year in high school advisor for yearbook. She may have been 28? and she struggled with her inability to have children. Beth was her name. I wonder if she ever adopted?

My Ever Growing Belly

I am so big now that washing dishes is a challenge because I cannot lean over to wash them.

Bleh.

Yeasty Parts are no longer yeasty and my roids are being managed

My yeasty parts are no longer yeasty. This is how it was done:

  • Monistat 3 day, Kroger brand
  • Seven Sitz baths a day
  • Blowdrying my hoo hoo after each sitz bath
  • Blowdrying my hoo hoo whenever I thought about it.
  • Increased Yogurt Consumption (which would be a cool band name)
However, my roids need to be managed (like they are a tardy employee) with constant sitz bathing, Tucks medicated wipes and Preparation H.

I really hate pregnancy.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Sour Cream Cake

I made this last night. It is based on an old French recipe that is actually one that French schoolchildren first learn to make. Originally, it is made with yogurt. But I think that French yogurt is much richer that American yogurt so I used sour cream.

It is an every day cake, not too sweet.

Sour Cream Cake
2 eggs
1 cup of sour cream
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon light rum

Preheat the oven to 350° F, line the bottom of a round ten-inch cake pan with parchment paper and grease the sides. In a large mixing-bowl, gently combine the sour cream, eggs, sugar, vanilla, oil and rum. In another bowl, sift together the flour and baking powder. Add the flour mixture into the yogurt mixture, and blend together -- don't overwork the dough. Pour the batter into the prepared cake pan, and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until the top is golden brown and a cake tester comes out clean. Let stand for ten minutes, and transfer onto a rack to cool.

Wrong Mailing List

I was invited to join the Cato Institute. They also think I am a man.

I am so glad the right wing is so smart.

Clues to what my kid will look like

This group has some suggestions.

More Synonyms

Yohboh came up with these
Bearded Clam
Hair Pie
Coochie
Cooch
Beaver
Nappy Dugout
Tang
Poon
Poontang

Sunday, February 04, 2007

T.R. Knight on Sesame Street

Look George is on Sesame Street!

I love George.

Synonyms

So I was thinking about all the words that mean pussy.

This is my list so far:
Twat
Cunt
Cunny
Furburger
Fuckhole
Snatch
Snapper
Glory Hole
Mons
Bush
Vagina
Va Jay Jay
Good Girl
HooHoo
Choo Choo
Nuni
Cooter
Meat
Private Parts
Privates
Muff
Box
Quim
Meat Curtains
Carpet
Rug
Also, Cat

The Purity of a Dog

This photo by dooce made me laugh out loud.

Dogs have no shame in expressing joy. They just do.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Insurance is a scam- ranting

So I currently am unemployed.

But I made the company feel bad for firing me while I was pregnant that they are paying my health insurance for the duration of my pregnancy. It ends this month.

What is really frustrating is that anything related to my pregnancy is considered a pre-exisiting condition to my new insurance, which I was intending to start March 1. A pre-exisiting condition is not covered. I am overly concerned about this notion so instead of spending 300 a month for my child and myself, I am spending 800 for one more month of my former employer's insurance.

Fuck all the corporate types. I hope all your children have major medical problems while you are laid off. And your dicks (because people who decide that pregnancy is a PRE-exisiting condition do not have utereses) never get hard again, with all the Levitra, Cialis, and Viagra. Why are there three drugs for men whose dicks can't get hard but we cannot cure breast cancer? If men had breasts, they would not only cure breast cancer, they would create a pill that would make them bigger.

GRRRR.

Why the internet depresses me sometimes

Why is the spelling so bad?

Friday, February 02, 2007

Chortle Chuckle Tizzy

This Entry is my whole childhood. I wish we had the internet then, we were not alone after all!

Yohboh thoughts

My yohboh falls asleep every night on the heating pad futon.

He sleeps with his glasses and hat and shoes on. He will sleep there until it is time for him to get up.

It is very cute.

Post Number 275

The following is a list of things that are challenging to do while pregnant:

  • Leaning over to get things out of the dryer
  • Leaning over to empty the dishwasher
  • Breathe comfortably
  • Ownership of my own bodily functions
  • Driving
  • Standing for a long time
  • Sitting
  • Sleeping