Sunday, December 31, 2006

Oh Baby Baby

Well I have showered at three pm.

I would blame this on pregnancy, but it is really my own slovenliness.

Did I mention this shower was the first one since Friday?

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Where does the energy go?

I got up at noon today and just awoke from a nap.

Oh, and my baby is in the 92 percentile for height and weight.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Funny

Who knew Justin Timberlake was so edgy?

Sleeping

Lately, I cannot sleep with my husband. He takes all the blankets.

SCAM

Did you know that it is recommended for children under the height of four feet ten inches tall to be in a booster seat?

I am four eleven. I am glad I have that extra inch. Otherwise, I would have to drive in a booster seat.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Bye Bye Bye

Well the bloody butt is gone!

I know I have been going on and on about it but I have to tell you, when you cannot poop; it becomes your life.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas all. In the spirit of holiday cheer, I present you my personal favorite Tom and Jerry.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Princess=BULLSHIT

The New York Times has an article on princesses. As in , little girls who grow up and want to be one. I wanted to grow up and be James Bond.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Baby Baby Baby

Yohboh has been putting the baby's room together.

OH SHIT I AM HAVING A BABY

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Spiced Nuts

I made these. Damn tasty.

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 cups unsalted mixed nuts, such as walnuts, pecans, hazelnuts, and almonds
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
6 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
Mix spices and reserve.
Heat the nuts in a dry skillet and cook, stirring frequently, until they begin to toast, about 4 minutes. Add the butter and cook, stirring, until the nuts begin to darken, about 1 minute. Add the spices, the sugar, 1 tablespoon water, and the salt and cook, stirring, until the sauce thickens and the nuts are glazed, about 5 minutes.

Remove the nuts from the heat and transfer to a baking sheet lined with aluminum foil, separating them with a fork. Let the nuts stand until cooled and the sugar has hardened, about 10 minutes. Store in an airtight container.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Weird Thoughts

Does anyone else think that Peter Chiara from the 1984 season of the Cosby Show is similiar to George from Grey's Anatomy?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Oh MY GOD Part Two

I had a doctor's appointment and explained the horrible horrible things going on in my butt.

She was nice and explained that I have hemorrhoids (this is AWFUL) and suggested the following:

Senokot
Preparation H

I have now spent 50 dollars on my bloody butt.

My butt and I have always had a friendly relationship. I am not happy with her right now and she knows it.

Also, I know I married a sweet man who can listen to me go on and on and on about my butt.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Oh MY GOD!

In order to heal my bloody butt this is what I have bought:
Preparation H Medicated Wipes
Tucks Medicatd Wipes
Extra Washcloths

I cannot find a Sitz Bath.

My poor ass.

My Ass Hurts

I love to poop. In fact, one of my sister and my favorite topics is poop.

This week in pregnancy, I poop blood. I am crying when I poop.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Hee Hee Hee WHO

Yohboh and I completed our Lamaze classes. I learned to be terrifed of pain and that I really do not care for women who are all "this is what my body is meant to do, I want to go natural, I want to FEEL the miracle of birth." FUCK THAT. Bring on the epidural.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Pregnant Massage

I had a massage today. It is the only time in my life that I have had a massage while pregnant.

Did not really like it.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Etta James

I was listening to NPR and they had this article. It got me thinking about my favorite singers. I love Ella, Diana, Billie, but most of all I love me some Etta James. My favorite album is At Last! It was my wedding song. But I think I really like this whole album. She just sings in a way that makes you WANT. TAKE. HAVE.

Monday, December 11, 2006

A worthwhile investment

This is the greatest thing. If you are pregnant go and get one. If you know someone who is pregnant, go and get them one. I cannot sleep without it.

Yohboh does not like it.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Styling Gel Thoughts

In 2003, I bought eight ounces of styling gel.

In 2006, I have used 2/3s of it.

The Joys of Digestion

Well the one part of pregnancy I have mentioned is that when pregnant, you spend WAAAAY too much time in the bathroom. I pee a gallon a day, at least. I wake up at night to drink more water, that is how much hydration I need.

I also poop eight times a day.

I just had poopy butt. This is when an alien crawls up your ass and opens the hole way the fuck open and EVERYTHING comes out.

To the two people who read my blog, I am so sure you needed to know that!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Things that I want to teach my daughter

I was sitting on the can (people, when you are pregnant, you should consider putting a snack bar in there, that is how much time you will spend in there) and got to thinking about things I want to teach my daughter.

Here are a few:
To appreciate a tree ripened summer peach that is so juicy that juice runs down your chin
To enjoy a summer garden tomato
That mean people exist, but there is an 80/20 rule. 80% of people are nice but have 20 % of the voice. 20% are mean, but have 80% of the voice. I think it goes with being mean.
My love of reading and all pursuits of knowledge
ABC and 123's
My love of dogs but not cats.
My tolerance for everything but ignorance

I am looking forward to hearing her laugh.

Friday, December 08, 2006

The many moods of Oprah

Being unemployed means I watch WAAAAAAAY to much Oprah.

There are many different Oprahs. Here are a few:

1) Serious Oprah - the one who talks about genocide or spousal abuse
2) Playful Oprah - the one who flirts with Jamie Foxx or John Travolta
3) REALLY RICH Oprah - the one who exists

Thursday, December 07, 2006

What I am having for dinner

This is what I am having for dinner

London Broil
Butterfly Shrimp
Roasted Brussel Sprouts
Roasted Potatoes

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

It is still cold

I want one of these:

In and Out

So my belly button sometimes pops out during the day. And when it pops out, I have this stinky, sensitive skin that HURTS when rubbed against things. In the shower sometimes, I force it back in. THIS IS SO GROSS!

Water makes pee

One of the most interesting things about pregnancy is the amount of water I consume. It is about 1.5 gallons.

What is really annoying though, is when it is cold and I pee and the TOILET SEAT IS ICY. I wonder if it would get cold enough for my pee to become steamy?

Really cold, seriously.

I think this winter is going to be a rough one. I am having this visual of Ava being born during a freak blizzard that only happens once a century in the South.

I can hear me now,"Ava, the night you were born there was more snow on the ground than there ever had been in the whole state of Georgia."

I am wearing more and more layers as well as a hat.

Tonight's low is 28 degrees.

I may sleep in the hat.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Chicken Thoughts

I was thinking it would be funny if chickens had surgery to make themselves look more enhanced. Like beak yellowing, or thinning the shanks, or comb extensions.

Why do people do this?

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Baby Update

Well I had another ultrasound.

The baby is 28 cm in diameter for her head and 26 for her abdomen. She weighs about 3.5 pounds.

She gets the hiccups.

She sucks her thumb.

Want. Take. Have.

There are some people in the world that I just don't understand. They are people who really want something and do not get it because deep down, they are afraid of it.

Example:

I lived with a girl called JJ and she had a friend from college named Jay. Jay wanted to be JJ's boyfriend. And JJ let him do all the things that a boyfriend would do, like watch her dog when she was on vacation, have a key to her house, go to family events like Thanksgiving. But she would never do anything physical with him. She confided later that she found him physically unattractive. The thing I never understood was that Jay would pine for her and during the time I knew JJ and Jay, Jay never acted on it. He never kissed her like they do in black and white movies and set down the gauntlet of "I am a man and I want you to be my woman." I think, deep down, Jay knew what JJ's answer would be (NO) and rather not hear that and pine. I just don't get that. Wouldn't you rather know? Then you could move on?

This is my thing:
If you WANT something, TAKE it, then you HAVE it.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Assvice

When you are pregnant, random strangers will come up to you and tell you about things you that you have no clue how to respond.

Case in point:
A woman comes to me and says I will have a colicky baby because of the way I am carrying.

I am in line to pay for gas and I have to hear this? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

My 200th post

Well, I do not know what to tell you about how prolific I am about posting.

I made Yohboh muffins for breakfast tommorrow.

I created this recipe based on a few. I really was interested in the sour cream aspect.

Apple Cinnamon Pecan Muffins

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 large egg
1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup apples, chopped coarse
2/3 cup coarsely chopped pecans, toasted lightly and cooled

Into a bowl sift the flour, the cinnamon, the baking soda, and a pinch of salt. In a large bowl with an electric mixer beat together the egg and the brown sugar until the mixture is thick and pale, add the sour cream and the vanilla, and beat the mixture until it is combined well. Beat in the flour mixture, a little at a time, and beat the batter until it just combined. Stir in the apples and the pecans and divide the batter among 12 paper-lined muffin tins. Bake the muffins in the middle of a 350°F. oven for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a tester comes out clean, turn them onto a rack, and let them cool.



Makes 12 muffins.

I hope Yohboh likes them.

Logo Channel

Have you heard of this channel?

It is the gay channel. But I have been chatching up on Queer As Folk and all those quasi gay movies.

I am a fag hag, even married.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

My mom is her mom

I think my mother is turning into her mother so by logic, I am turning into her.

HALP!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Cold Cold Cold

I am so cold right now. I have many layers on. Since yohboh and I are unemployed, we do not turn the heat on.

So why do I get heat rashes?

Pre Thanksgiving

Every year, yohboh and I make a Thanksgiving dinner the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

We do this for two reasons:

  1. We get to practice our recipes
  2. We get to spend some holiday time with friends.
Here are some photos:

Two Turkeys

We made two turkeys this year, one that is roasted in the oven, the other is deep fried.

Minjenah's Plate

This is my personal plate of goodies. There are collard greens, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, squash casserole, macaroni and cheese, green bean casserole, deep fried and oven roasted turkey and cornbread stuffing.

There was also apple pie, pumpkin pie and chocolate torte for dessert.

Anyone hungry?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Hormotional

I just made up this word. What it means is how I feel during my pregnancy. I cannot watch Gray's Anatomy if the pregnant woman is in pain without bursting into tears.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Bathroom Frustration

I go to the bathroom so much, I have asked Yohboh to put a TV with cable in there so I don't miss anything.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Milk and Cereal

This makes me chortle

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Good Day

It was a good day:

Donald Rumsfeld is gone

The democrats have the house

Britney Spears is leaving that moron

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Furniture

We are the proud owners of a coffee table and an entertainment center.

Fucking grown ups

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Lola got a new outfit


I was at Old Navy and got this outfit for the Lolanator

I think it is tartan plaid.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Your Game Face

Everyone has an image that we present to the masses. I call it the game face. It is who we are with some of the the things that make us us with the volume turned up and some muted. We do this so we don't seem crazy or unstable.

Then you get married. It is astonishing how much my husband knows about me. It is disconcerting and comforting all at the same time. I never realized that my true face could be so appealing to someone else.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sign of the Times

It is a significant point when you change the sheets on your bed from summer cotton to heavyweight flannel.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Damn Hormones

I was watching the Chronicles of Narnia and I got upset that someone was not there to watch the children.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Weird new pregnant things

Leg cramps that go away when I drink some water
Ears popping
A craving for tonic water

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

My Tuesday Night

I made a pot roast.

And an applesauce spice cake

My two big loves are unconcious (or at least in bed):

Things I intend to eat after I give birth

Sushi including:
Toro
Nigiri Salmon
Yummy Roe

Strong Coffee, leaded

Mt. Tam cheese, A whole round

The crap candy

Halloween is upon us. Which means, for me at least, giant bags of candy. And I never want just one kind of candy. I want the assortment. Have you ever noticed that an assortment has one candy that is a dud?

For instance, I recently got a mix of Almond Joy, Kit Kat, Take 5 and Hershey's Kissables. The crap one is the kissables.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Well this is what I think

I will name my child:
Ava Jin Kye-Smith.

Opinions?

Friday, October 20, 2006

Disconcerting

It is very disconcerting when you are having sex with your husband and your baby decides to make her little presence known.

I think in my head, I always had the thought: MOMS DON'T HAVE ORGASMS

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Heartburn

I have had heartburn for about four months.

Damn annoying.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My dog has no damn sense

Lola:

Arlo:


These two dogs are spending time together. It has been raining for about 36 hours straight.

ARLO has enough sense to come in from the rain.

Lola does not.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Working

I love working.

I do.

I love the adrenaline rush and stress of it. I am glad I am not doing it now while I am pregnant.

I think working is bad for pregnancy.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Frustrated

I go to the bathroom every 22 mintues on average.

This means that I cannot go to FREAKIN Target without taking a piss.

I don't think my body is mine anymore.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Jumping the Shark

Jumping the shark is when a TV show began to suck. I am re-wathcing Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I have to say when the shark was jumped is the introduction of Dawn. She was the singlemost annoying character EVER.

I ADORE Grey's Anatomy. I wonder when they will jump the shark?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Baths and Hair Brushing

Yohboh is looking forward to baths and hair brushing.

I am looking forward to being called Mommy.

The problem with women

Why are women harsher judges of other women then men?

Example:

I had a conversation with a woman about a man who emotionally abandoned his two children. This woman forgave him. But called another woman a whore for doing the same thing.

Think about this: When you meet a widower raising his kid all alone, you feel something. If you meet a single mom, you feel nothing.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Body Issues

I have body issues. My stomach is the equivalent of LOATHING in my vocabulary. These things have not gone away from pregnancy. I really hate my stomach.

I am really going to try not to pass on these body issues onto my daughter. I do not want to make her think eating cereal and melon all day for months is normal. I want her to have pride in my body.

I have body issues but I am awed how my body is growing a baby.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Multi Tasking

I just sneezed, farted and the miniscus broke.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Cette une fille

I am having a girl

Monday, October 02, 2006

Disgusted

So now I snore, have aching carpal tunnel and swollen feet.


MEN SHOULD HAVE BABIES

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Universal Question

Why do men MISS when they pee?

I would understand boys missing but men?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Apple Pie Friday

To Celebrate the NEW OVEN that my Mom in Law got us- I made three different kinds of apple pie.

They were the following:
Almond Crust Apple Pie Flavored with Brandy
Barefoot Contessa's Apple Pie
Betty Crocker's Apple Pie

I am a baking FOOL

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My first Flu Shot

Well I got my very first flu shot.

It is what pregnant women are supposed to do.

I feel like shite.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Wedding Anniverary

Yesterday was out two year wedding anniversary.

Yay.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Everything happens for a reason

Is this true?

I have always thought it was bullshit, but maybe not.

Friday, September 15, 2006

A Thought

I was watching the Cosby Show and it was the one where Saundra and Eldon have the twins. I started thinking how GREAT it would be to have Dr. Huxtable as my ob/gyn.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Lately

Lately, my yohboh is falling asleep by 6:30.

I am concerned he is sick.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Day Two of Unemployment

Washed a load of darks
Made bacon and eggs
Made beans and rice
Bought a John Mayer CD (It's okay, not STELLAR)
Took a shower
Mom and Dad dropped by with muscedines and oheekimchi

Monday, September 11, 2006

First Day as an Unemployed Pregnant Woman

This was my day:

Went to the unemployment office
Some douchebag security guard told me that I was parked in the wrong place (It was parking for a bar, but what bar is open at eight AM?)
Applied of unemployment I want a job at the Deparment of Labor-WHAT A CUSHY DEAL
Bought an outstandingly BAD coffee from Caribou
Went to Kroger to buy bacon
Went to Big Lots because I love that place
Came home
Washed all the sheets
Washed the whites
Labeled the different kinds of rice and flour
Made nutmeg muffins from Orangette
Washed all of the roomie's clothes
Napped

I am so boring

Here is a cute picture of the KILLER OF MICE ON HEARTWOOD:

Sunday, September 10, 2006

My Last Day at Work

So Friday was my last day at my job. The one with Doug, the greatest boss I ever had. I would have taken a BULLET for that guy. The Doug who left in April and I got a DOUCHEBAG for a boss who was a PUSSY.

Here is my goodbye email:


Today is my last day at BULLSHIT COMPANY ONE and BULLSHIT COMPANY TWO.

I want to take this opportunity to say goodbye and that I enjoyed working with all of you. I hope that both companies grow and succeed.

Very rarely have I had the great gift of working with such dedicated, hardworking and kind individuals. With employees such as these, both companies will be recognized as forces in their respective industries.

If any of you would like to keep in touch, my contact information is

Someplace
Some Email
Some Number

Best Regards,

Minjenah

As always, I am a consummate professional to the douchebag who FIRED ME while I was PREGNANT.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

How it ticks

Sometimes, love is so overwhelming.

It makes no sense that someone out there who did not create you would love you, flawed confusing you. But it happens. Every day.

Sometimes, I think the pople who most deserve to find love are the complete people. The ones that are not flawed and confusing.

But we are ALL flawed and confused and no one, even with love, is ever complete.

The people who find love just acknowledge the flaws and confusion and accept it.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

EEK A MOUSE

So last night, before going to bed I was going to turn up the AC. I felt a little tickle around my right foot and looked down. It was a mouse going over my right foot.

I screamed like a girl and Lola came out and KILLED THE THING.

Then I called my husband to dispose of it. Yohboh does not have a cell phone so I was repeatedly calling his friends that were with him.

I called my Father in law to come help me since Yohboh was not responding. Then my idiot father in law, drunk off his ass, wanted to MALICIOUSLY gossip as opposed to come help me. He then called back two times to CONTINUE to gossip about shit he has no idea about since he has never been an adult in his life.

The man who has stolen the following from me:
Liquor
Toilet Paper
Food

But he won't come help a pregnant woman with a mouse?

That fucker has been written off.

Then Yohboh came home and removed of the mouse carcass in the hall. And put rat poison down.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Mint Thinkery

When you eat a mint do you slowly let the mint dissolve on your tongue? Or do you chomp that fucker into dust?

Guess which I do?

Monday, August 28, 2006

Tired

So tired of fighting

So fucking tired

WHEN WILL SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME

Sunday, August 27, 2006

The power of my POOP

So I have done "something" to the septic tank.

I poop three-five times a day.

I pee like 32 times a day.

What do you think it is?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The thoughts of a moody pregnant woman

So I really really am obsessed with Gray's Anatomy.

But it got me thinking, why is it the network world thinks that single people are more interesting than the married? All single people want to find other single people to be with but once that happens, is it boring? Why is showing a deep, gentle and flexible love not deemed worthy by the networks. Especially since it seems so fucking hard to find.

I had a neonatal exam today. Yohboh and I heard the heartbeat. I was moved to tears, yohboh said while holding a Road & Track magazine, "Wow, that is fast"

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Swollen

I feel very swollen.

Like my body is too big for my skin.

I don't like it.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Soup Recipe

I created a recipe for my Crock Pot and I am sharing it:

Tomato Vegetable Soup

One can condensed tomato soup
One can crushed tomatoes
One 16 oz bag frozen veggies
One pound HOT and SPICY breakfast sausage, browned
Four pinches Oregano
Three pinches Basil
One pinch Cayenne

Put all in a crock pot. Add one can of water (from the soup can)

Put on high for three hours or Low on six.

Sprinkle parmesan cheese on top.

TRY IT STINKY

Embare-assed Pride

So I poop five times a day now. The pregnancy makes my colon work very quickly. I have now clogged the master bathroom toilet. We are down to one toilet and I quake with fear if that one clogs as well.

Yohboh said to me, "In my whole life, I have never had to use the plunger as much as I have since I have been with you."

I was so embarrased.

And yet proud.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Crazy Things I do

I have to drink a lot of water. So I now take a half gallon Thermos, that I NEVER USED and fill it with ice water and drink it throughout the day.

I fill it at LEAST twice a day.

Also, I eat midnight snacks.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Oh the indignities suffered

This is my dog Lola.














She is photogenic, yes?















Today, it rained. And my little dog likes to play in mud and ended up looking like
this muddy thing.














Yohboh had to hose her off:





























Here is a photo of her














shaking it off. Her eyes look hypnotically blue.

Now she is pouting under the bed. No photos of that because of all the indignities suffered.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

THE CUTEST CHEESE EVAH

My Bump

What you gonna do with all that bump
All that bump
All that bump
Inside your gut?

I'ma gonna have a kid
have a kid
have a kid
my little baby bump!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

The first purchase of the Maternity Pants

Well folks, I have had to buy maternity pants.

It is my baby bump.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

12 weeks pregnant

These are the things I have noticed:

1) my tits are HUGE

2) my gut should have its own zip code

3) constant heartburn

4) urination every two hours at night

5) I cry at the drop of a hat

I cannot WAIT to meet the little stinker.

Monday, August 07, 2006

The Dog Whisperer

I love the dog whisperer.

I think Cesar should do a relationship book.

Have a Calm Assertive Energy
Live in the Now, forget about the past and don't worry about your future.
Be your own pack leader.

You know when you are watching bliss when

you see your dog rolling around in the grass.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I will love my kid

I will love my child as best as I can.

Even if they are gay.

Even if they become a porn star.

Even if they become a gay porn star.

Everything but a republican.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Tomatoes

This is a 12 inch in diameter bowl full of tomatoes that I picked today from my garden. This is from three plants: One grape and two cherries. I am picking about this many tomatoes every other day. I have made gallons of sauce and gazpacho. Later, I am going to try salsa and bruschetta. I got these three plants at Wal-Mart for 1.69 each.

I think I got my money's worth.

I love summer.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Got a haircut

I had to get a haircut. It looked like shit.

I have a MOM cut.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Practical Magic

I love this movie. It makes me think about my sister.

I miss my Stinky

Monday, July 24, 2006

Try not to dance

when you hear Rick James Superfreak

ohmigod

I am fat

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

My 34th birthday

Yesterday was my 34th birthday.

I got myself this:



This is a microplane foot file.

IT IS AWESOME!

It was twenty years ago today

One of the major ironies of pregnancy is that my skin looks like it did when I was fourteen. That would be twenty years ago, when I was fourteen.

I went to Target to get the skin remedy I used at that time: Stridex

But there was no Stridex to be found at Target, only Clearasil. I made do and purchased the Clearasil.

That evening, when I wiped one of the waffle textured "cleansing" pads I was tranformed to the age when I hoped to god I would become someone.

Also, those pads sting and they work!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Observations about my husband

There are certain movies that yohboh can watch OVER and OVER again and they fall into some major categories:

Decapitation
Bank Robberies
High Head Count
Drug Dealer Films


Here are some examples:
Robocop 1, 2, 3
Predator 1, 2, 3
Blade 1, 2, 3
Scarface
Heat
Blow

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Childhood memory

There were two local politicians whose names I distinctly recall:

Pat Swindall
Mitch Skandalkis

Both had to leave office because of ethical concerns.

Weird Crying

I am watching Armageddon and I am crying when Bruce Willis's Character dies.

Now I have watched this movie many times and I have made fun of the following things:

  • The weird teeth they made Ben Affleck wear
  • The whole COME GET PAPA BEAR
  • The dumb animal cracker moment
  • The really stupid camera cuts
  • The Pseudo porn shots of all the hot sweaty men

But I have NEVER cried.


What is it?

This

GRR

So I think the boss is being a douchebag. DOUCHEBAG. As in, make me work but knowing there is no point since all the work I do will amount to nothing.

Also I think my husband is being selfish little shit. I loaded the diswasher and cleaned the kitchen. WTF?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Pregnancy Observations

1) My boobs are bigger

2) I poop A LOT like four times a day

3) I drink a lot of water

4) I am always tired

5) My thighs touch

6) Morning Sickness can happen all damn day

7) My fingers have swollen up like sausages

My baby is due February 18, 2007

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Back from Vacation

Picture it: Bolongo Bay at St. Thomas.

This is what we did:
Paint
Caulk
Sweat

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sleepy and I went swimming

So I am super tired. I went bowling with the boys til four AM. SO CANNOT DO THAT ANYMORE!

Also, had the pool party.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Regression

Okay so I still sing this

However, I did not know it was the Pointer Sisters!

There are more here

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

My main goal

I really want to be a good mother. I don't want my childern to hate me. These seem like easy goals but then you have to realize I am a rather dour person and think the worst most destructive thoughts. (Long run on sentence)

I want happy children who will not end up in jail.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Behold the power of Folic Acid

I have had three glasses of OJ today I will be having a healthy baby!

Monday, June 26, 2006

My YOHBOH ROCKS

So I had a dead battery and I had a noon meeting. Yohboh came to the office and put a NEW BATTERY in my car.

THAT is reason enough to advocate marriage.

I love my yohboh.


So my hormones are kerplewie?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

HRM

I am pregnant but I know nothing else.

Yohboh wanted to tell everybody before the facts were straight.

If we can't agree on this part, what will raising a family be like?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Milk

I have never been a big milk drinker. I know I had friends who drank milk with every one of their meals. My family had a community cup of water at dinner.

Now I am a milk drinker.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

OH SHIT

I am a little freaked right now.

More details to come

Wrong Things

Forced Carnal Knowledge is so wrong.

It makes me so angry.

The greatest society would protect the weakest. That is strength.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Urgh

Either I am having a doozy of a period or my ovaries hate me.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

My Alone Time

I like to cook alone.

Since I have been married, I do not get to enjoy this delicious little pleasure nearly enough.

I DO NOT WANT HELP IN THE KITCHEN.

I like to do things by myself.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I am so fucking GIDDY

I got this:

Hello Kitty I POD Speaker Dock

Fresca

What a delious and refreshing beverage. I think it tastes like fizzy grapefruit juice.

I love all diet soda.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Things that make me bitter and other things that make me happy

Bitter: husbands who get to sleep late because they are not working

Happy: All SEVEN seasons of Buffy on DVD.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Saturdays

need to be all week long

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Nice Relaxing day with yohboh

So this is our day:
Naeng Myun for lunch
X Men III
sex
Free Tv oo doh saw.

Addendum on Feb 12, 2007
This is the day Ava was Concieved

Sleepy Thoughts

There is nothing as good as going to bed and knowing that your husband will wrap his big sexy arms around you and kiss you in his sleep.


:)

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Lola in her hole


Lola likes to dig holes in the yard and then sit in them.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

All is right in the world

My faith in humanity has been restored. In this show the right person won!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Happy Birthday to Stinky

Today is my sister's 31st birthday.



Happy Birthday Stinky!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Recent obsession

I consider myself a bit of a prude. I do not do the "bad" things. In fact, I secretly get a thrill when I drink a soda because it was so forbidden as a child. But lately, I am obsessed with this. I do not think it is possible.

Monday, May 15, 2006

MY HUNDREDTH POST

So Yohboh made me laugh so hard that I saw stars. We were watching Grey's Anatomy. And McDreamy and Meredith are boinking in the hospital (does this really happen in hospitals?) and Yohboh says deadpan : I love your chest, it is so tiny and bony.

I love my Yohboh.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Friday Night Lights

Yohboh was making me watch this movie.

There were many things I found very irritating about this movie:
the subject matter.
the irritating cut away shots
Billy Bob Thornton (can you believe that Angie was with him?)

and one really sad thing:
That for some people, they peak in high school. What is it to look back on a football season, a prom night or a graduation as the best time of your life? That you look back at your glory days when you were EIGHTEEN years old?

I remember looking at the blonde pretty girls whose names ended in "I" like Mandi, Jenni and Mallori in high school and I wonder if they look back at their glory days?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

One of two things

I am this or this

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

In Your Eyes

In 1989, I saw a movie called Say Anything. It is written and directed by Cameron Crowe.

It did many things for me:
Long for John Cusack
Discover this song
Long for someone to say "She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen. "
Discover that NO ONE knows about soundtrack music like Cameron Crowe.

Friday, May 05, 2006

The stress from my job

has made me start drinking these.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

GOD HOW MUCH DO I HATE

the way my job has turned

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Sleepy

Working too much

Must sleep now

Sunday, April 30, 2006

My Favorite Sex

My favorite sex is Sunday night sex during the late local news.

When my husband and I first got together, this was our standing fuck date. I was busily falling in love with a guy who I thought I was using for sex. Those Sunday sexes make me think of this song.

Nowadays, Yohboh falls asleep before the late local news.

But I still think about how I loved Sunday nights...

Silly hats

I look drunk and yohboh looks resigned.


Harrison called these hats silly. Yohboh HATES these hats but he puts up with them.

I am not drunk in the photo, just tired.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

REALLY PMSy

I threw a swordfish at yohboh.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

A thought

The 25th marked my one year anniversary at my job.

Things have been rough, with my old boss leaving and a lot of crazy transition, but I have to say this:

I do not work for an ugly, obese, uneducated, stupid and ignorant but thought she was smart black woman or an ugly, obese, overeducated, stupid, spoiled Belgian woman.

And all the tension has lifted being reminded of how much I fucking hated working for the fat European Scarlett and her incompetent Nanny.

Thank GOD!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Things I Worry About

1)My credit rating
2)Money
3)Whether or not I will be a good mother
4)If I am infertile
5)My weight

Monday, April 24, 2006

Something I find BRILLIANT

Yogurt with FIBER in it!

MORE WAYS TO POOP!

FYI

Uber horny has now passed.

If anyone was innarested.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Seperated at birth

I think the lead singer of the Psychedlic Furs and Gary Oldman are the same person.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Hmm

So I am in this UBER horny stage.

Yohboh has no interest in this said stage.

IRONY

Friday, April 14, 2006

Why I really liked my old boss.

My old boss is leaving on Monday. He was the best boss I had. He pushed me to work better. No boss have ever done that. He had NO ego. He never took credit for my work. Also, some nice guns.

Amelie

I was re-watching Amelie.

This is such a cute movie.

Audrey Tatou lives in this supersaturated France that is perennially Spring. She has these big dark eyes and a penis haircut.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Work and Home DRAMA

So my boss is leaving to run another division of the company I work for. I LOVE this guy. He is by far, the best boss I have ever had. I am SAD about this, but I know he will KICK ASS in his new role, but I just have always wanted a good boss and it hard to give him up.

Apparently, my sister and mom sahwoh. I think that it is silly.

Also, my dad may be sick. He was NOT supposed to eat spicy food but he had some Cholula with dinner. DO NOT BE UPSET STINKYE! He snuck it by me!

Also- I had this AWFUL dream I was infertile.

Neurosis- thy name is minjenah.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Hip Pain

It's weird that my left hip hurts.

The internet can be quite evil.

Hypochondriacs UNITE!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Mingria

The Mingria
I have created another beverage.


It is One Part Orance Cognac, One Part regular Cognac and two parts Red Fizzy Wine (Lambrusca)

Saturday, April 01, 2006

My Neighbor Totoro

Is this not the CUTEST movie?

I want a Cat bus.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Another Funny Hong Kong sign



Actually, this was in Macau.

Flying over Atlanta

I noticed new construction, with freshly dug Georgia clay, looking like old blood rising.

Weird and poetic

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

One of my favorite quotes

Have you noticed that most people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to f*** in the first place? Conservatives are physically unattractive and morally inconsistent. They're obsessed with fetuses from conception to nine months, but after that they have no interest in you. None. No day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothin'. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f***ed.
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
Pro-life. How can they be pro-life when they're killing doctors? What sort of moral philosophy is that? "We'll do anything to save a fetus, but we might have to kill it later on if it grows up to be a doctor"? They're not pro-life; they're antiwoman. They believe a woman's primary role is to function as a brood mare for the States. If they think a fetus is more important than a woman, they should try getting a fetus to wash the shit stains out of their underwear. For no pay.
Pro-life. You don't see many white, antiabortion women volunteering to have black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? No. You don't see them adopting any crack babies, do you? No, that's something Jesus would do.
-George Carlin

YOU FAT BECAUSE YOU OLD

When I was in Hong Kong, I got a 45 minute massage. My sister was with me as well. My sister asks one of the masseuses which one was older. He guessed me. When asked how he knew, he replied, " YOU FAT BECAUSE YOU'RE OLD"

He did not get a tip.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

LOLA NEEDS A PATCH

This poor girl needs help


My dog is smoking again. Apparently, when I went away for mes vacances, mon chien went beserk and the only thing to calm her down is a smoke.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Funny Signage in Hong Kong


Apparently SARS has nothing on Kimchee


I like the spitting picture


Vehicles are quite clearly more important than pedestrians.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Hong Kong Observation

Hong Kong has this thing called "The Escalator". It is in escalator that goes all the way up the Hong Kong big mountian, whose name I have forgotten. It does NOT have an escalator that goes down.

Whimper. My feet hurt.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Shao Lin Fai

This means "Steamed Broccoli".

I ate Dragon Fruit twice in the last 24 hours.

I miss my yohboh.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Still Jet Lagged but Okay

The thing that is really interesting about being in Asia is that I do not feel home. I walk around the city without any feeling of "These are my Peeps". I feel this fascination at this bustling city that smells of curry and brine, but no connection to the people. Well, I have this rabid fascination with the fashion of shorts and boots that is rampant here. It's odd, I never feel connected where I am, really.

The other surprising thing about this trip is how much I miss my Yohboh. His smell and his warmth and the touching. He is so hooked up with my sister. She got him a free hotel room for his spring training trip. Looks like things are coming up yohboh.

I am wiped out, and feel slimy. This city has a film that has settled on me. I do not know if it is pollution and the smog, but it is like it is in my pores. I went to get a visa to go to China. I am getting suits made. YAY! Although I am so damn fat now, but oh, well. I have to get better clothes.

It is twelve hours different. Damn tired and confused. I don't think I could live in a city like this. Me, I like my quiet and space.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

In Hong Kong

I am in Hong Kong

I have not slept in 40 hours.

Will go to bed.

Stinky's apartment is TINY (500 sqaure feet)

Monday, March 13, 2006

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I spent 96 dollars on food

96 dollars worth of food

These are all my sister's requests for food.

The drink I made

I am a great creator of cocktails. This one is called the Min TWO:
The MIN TWO

This tasty concoction contains the juice of two blood oranges and Stoli Vodka, shaken until ice crystals appear on the shaker.

DELISH!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Scary

So I was googling Fellini's Pizza and found a link to a girl who also went to Tech. The girl provided her name and I found out where she worked, where she lives, HER PHONE NUMBER and her last three boyfriends.

MY ADVICE TO ALL OF YOU: BE CAREFUL.

I found all this in less than ten minutes. And I am no expert.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Butter Rapture

In praise of butter:

You are so yummy
and like a little black dress, you go with everything.
I like you salty and sweet
with muffins or with meat

I like you fancy like plugra all uppity and French
I like you plain like the little Land O 'Lakes pre made pat
O Butter, you are the best
Even with all your saturated fat.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I cried when I read this

I discovered this post.

Flea is motherfucking amazing.

Long shitty fucking day


Lola, looking if terror and FEAR at the camera

I am so glad it is over.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Being a very goal oriented person

My New Year's Resolution is to get knocked up.

I had a little setback today.

I got my period.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Observation

No one gives themselves a better pat on the back than Hollywood.

It's like a big jerk off circle where they all cream the golden statue.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Yohboh is so happy

Why is my yohboh so happy?





This man is hanging out with him!

Friday, March 03, 2006

My head hurts

and I am over caffeinated.

But it is FRIDAY and I JUST GOT PAID

Thursday, March 02, 2006

What I am giving up for Lent

Eating pussy

Yohboh is giving up this.


HAHAHAHAHAHA

A point in my marriage

So I am pulling my pubes out while watching TV and I pull out a long one that HURT. It had a long bulb on it, tipped in blood. I show it to yohboh who comments that it is a big bulb and that it was a long pube.

I married a man who appreciates a long hair with a blood tipped bulb.

I have no idea if this is a high point or a low point but it is COMPLETELY noteworthy.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Singing in Crate & Barrel

I was mindlessly browsing in Crate and Barrel when I caught myself singing along to the music. Has anyone besides me done this?

It was When Smoky Sings by ABC.

After that they played Erasure STOP!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

What it all means

So, the amazing dooce asks the question if women who get all this eddy-cation are wasting their time if all they are going to end up with is being a mother.

Some crazy woman is shaming women for not pursuing a career after all that aforementioned eddy-cation and becoming mothers.

This leads me to a few theories:
1) This crazy woman had a shitty mom
2) This crazy woman was a shitty mom
3) No one would fuck this crazy womanto give her the opportunity to be a shitty mom.
4) This crazy woman was passed over for many many promotions in her life and blamed it on other women, when she should have really looked deep into the cavern that is her soul.
5) This crazy woman is an asshole.

It frustrates me to no end, the whole militant point of view that what is good for one person is good for another. That limited thinking is what religious fanatics think.

No one has any opinion that should matter but your own.

And besides, opinions are like assholes: every one has one. And they don't think theirs stink.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Superstition and Science

My parents are an unusual lot.

My father is an electrical engineer and regularly quizzes my husband on the square root of three. He also rants about the three singe digit combintations that add up to twenty. In addition, I will always remember what 2 to the 10th power is. He is not good at expressing his emotions and is pretty grumpy.

My mother is the kind of woman who can read a person's happiness from their posture. She knows when I have had a bad day and WILL JUST FUCKING CALL! She also knows about the ins and outs of people to the point that when she says something crazy like "beware of this person, he is the devil", that even though I know this is not accurate, a little seed is planted in the fertile imagination of my brain that perhaps this person is SATAN!

I am a weird amalgam of both people. I have an engineering degree and I read horoscopes. I love a process and feel best in one. HOWEVER: I own not one but two magic eight balls:



Some people think it's hoarding. I call it hedging your bet.

Observation

I have been watch BBC America and I have to say that the Great Britain I am watching is MUCH sunnier then I recall England being.

Perhaps too much of the influence of Sunny LA?

By the way, LA is really that fucking nice.

How I deal with a house at 55 degrees

I know that it seems extreme to keep at house that cold, but I HALVED THE GAS BILL THIS MONTH!

I keep six blankets on my side of the bed. When it is really cold, I have been known to put four more blankets on the bed.

In addition, I will put on two shirts, two pairs of socks, and sweatpants in order to sleep.

If you notice the other side, that is where yohboh sleeps with two blankets wearing boxers. Fucking hot sleeper!

This is one of the two heaters that are kept in the back bedroom, also known as the master bedroom (this "master bedroom" has always sounded colonial to me). This little guy is from Target and is for the master bath.

I am terrified of leaving this one since our house's wiring is a bit strange and I have left this on and blow dried my hair and my blow drier fizzled in MY HAND. I thought I was going to be found dead with a head of wet hair.




I confessed to my parents where we keep the thermostat at and the provided us another heater. When my parents are generous, there is always a science or math questions. My father asked me what are the three methods of heat transfer and were provided this:This is a radiation heater

This heater only works when it is shined on you. I moon it every night to get my tushie nice and warm before going to bed.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Chips

Whenever I get lunch, I normally get a sandwich and being the cheapo that I am, I get a combo meal and it comes with chips. I normally eat the sandwich and take the chips home for yohboh to eat.

I had this realization when we have children that I would give the chips to them.

And that just amused me.

Friday, February 24, 2006

I do not like the following

1) Led Zepplin
2) Cream
3) Pink Floyd
4) Poker
5) Bowling
6) Football

Why do I not like these? Because they are better WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK.

Since I do not get drunk, these things SUCK to me.

I question the quality of fun things are when you are drunk that SUCK when you are sober.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Grocery Store Find

Yohboh made a chocolate cake last week.
It is still delicious but a bit dry so I went to the grocery store to get milk and was SEDUCED by these:
Blood Oranges. So Pretty. So eaten.

YUM

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Pinch

This is a bottle of PINCH blended whisky. I got this on Friday for Yohboh.

This is how much is left after Saturday.

Somebody likes his pinch.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Only Happy when it Rains

I think I am fucking up.

And I am more comfortable when that happens. Well relieved.

Why am I the one who is relieved when the shoe drops? The shoe always drops.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Choosy Beggars

I had a BLT that I had gotten but was not going to eat (long story about women) and there was a homeless woman begging for change so I asked if she would like my uneaten sandwich.

She asked what it was.

I said BLT

She said no, she does not eat pork and repeated her query for change.

Since when did homeless people have the right to express a preference for FREE things?

I just sounded really enlightened, didn't I?

So I did not give her any change.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine's Day Dinner

Yohboh and I made Valentine's Dinner.

The following are pictures with commentary.


This is the veal chop yohboh and I had. Yes, we ate baby cow and it was good.
This is it cooked. See how rare yohboh likes it?



This is yohboh. Is he not the cutest?


This is our dinner. Veal cutlets with beurre blanc sauce with truffle ravioli, roasted brussel sprouts and asparagus.

It was yummy.

TV Shows I want to see

There was a show in the late eighties called Doctor Doctor. It had Matt Frewer in it. Matt Frewer was also known as Max Headroom. I think it was on for a year. I would LOVE to buy the DVDs to it so you folks at CBS get to it! It was on Mondays at 10:30 PM.

Also, there was a show called Class of 96. It starred Doogie Howser's girlfriend and Jason Gedrick. It was on Fox, but I do not know when. Loved that too.

Those are the two tv shows that haunt me.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Alol and my Valentine's Day Cake

The is Alol.

She is a stuffed black dog.

She looks like Lola.

I sleep with this dog because she KEEPS FUCKING STILL!


But Lola is very cute

See:

Can you tell the difference?

I did not think so.


Also, here is a cake that Yohboh made using Emeril's recipe: