Saturday, June 08, 2019

Meet Whiskey

Friday, May 31, 2019

Weird Morning

OMFG- I try to get up at 6:30 to do my gardening. I do this because special needs neighbor is a late riser. I had a late start this morning, I am out at 7:30. It has not rained in 18 days so I like to do a deep watering every few days, especially for the squash. I am doing this when a random man comes walking down the street. He is dressed all in black and wearing a hat that Slash from Guns'n Roses would be proud to wear. Black T-shirt, black jeans, black boots . He is wearing white plastic knee pads, sunglasses. He also is carrying an acoustic guitar and old school gas can. He stops to ask me if the Marshalls live here. I say no. He then compliments my garden and asks if I grow okra. I say no. He then tells me that okra is delicious when cooked in a wok (WTF). He offers to cut my grass. I decline. Then he says he is inspired and puts the gas can on the ground (he is standing in the street) props his foot on the damn thing and proceeds to serenade me. All while I am watering the garden. I ignore him while he sings and plays guitar. Finally, the specials needs neighbor is out. He sees this random man in the street. He gets in his personal space and tries to take the guitar. Random man on the street smacks him. Special needs neighbor runs home. Random man asks, Did you see that? I ignore him and he leaves.
End Scene.
I cannot make this shit up.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

An abandoned and malignant heart

I was in jury duty this week. 

It was a murder case.

One thing I learned is that malice is defined by the law as an abandoned and malignant heart.  Oddly poetic.

Friday, May 03, 2019

Housewifin

I am running errands and there is an old lady in the Kroger parking lot, looking confused.  
I think it must be payday because the Kroger parking lot is pretty busy.  
She is holding a plastic grocery bag and looking slack-jawed. 
I approach her although many people walk right past her. 
I ask if she is alright?  
She is near tears and whispers she cannot find her car. 
I ask if she has her keys.    
She does and shows them to me. 
I ask her if she can make it go beep beep?  
She is so stressed that she does not understand me.  
I ask for her keys and she hands them to me.  
I set off her car alarm.  
Her car alarm goes off and I walk her over to her car.  
She thanks me and offers me a quarter.  
Then she says admiringly, You Chinese sure are smart!  
I thanked her and laughed on the inside. 
I hope she got home okay

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Rhioncye

Need a self confidence boost?

Pretend that you are the love child of Rhianna and Beyonce.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Salacious

People who look for the salacious.

I hope they get the drama I need.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Twelve Years Old

002

I love her so

Monday, January 28, 2019

Current Mood