Saturday, February 24, 2018


Chuy ate an orange.  I told her to wash her hands after she was done.

Me: Did you wash your hands?
Chuy: Yes
Me: Let me smell your hands.
Chuy:  I used orange scented soap.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Eleven Years Old

Whelp, time goes fast.

Principles of Adult Behavior by John Perry Barlow

1. Be patient. No matter what.
2. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, not blame. Say nothing of another you wouldn’t say to him.
3. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble than yours are to you.
4. Expand your sense of the possible.
5. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change.
6. Expect no more of anyone than you can deliver yourself.
7. Tolerate ambiguity.
8. Laugh at yourself frequently.
9. Concern yourself with what is right rather than who is right.
10. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
11. Give up blood sports.
12. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Don’t risk it frivolously.
13. Never lie to anyone for any reason. (Lies of omission are sometimes exempt.)
14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that.
16. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun.
17. Praise at least as often as you disparage.
18. Admit your errors freely and soon.
19. Become less suspicious of joy.
20. Understand humility.
21. Remember that love forgives everything.
22. Foster dignity.
23. Live memorably.
24. Love yourself.
25. Endure.

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Superbowl Fun

Wednesday, January 31, 2018


Baby we need to go to the store

To the store in human or on the computer.

Sunday, January 28, 2018


We got Lola on March 22, 2004.

She was an abused dog and high energy.

She ate shoes.   I never caught her with a shoe in her mouth, but always found the evidence afterward.

She was kicked in the face on the left side, you could see it in her teeth. She did not bark for months after we got her.

She was not a food dog except for overpriced French cheese and complex red wines.  If you gave her a milk bone, she would take it, break it up and leave crumbs for you to pick up later.

She loved sleeping in beds and on the sofa because dog beds were beneath her.

She could run so fast.  She caught and maimed a squirrel once while on a lead.

She loved my babies and would let them abuse her and then come up and bite me because she knew she could not bite them and she needed to bite something.  If they were sick, she would sleep in their rooms and lick their fingers or feet when they whimpered in their sleep.  If there was something she perceived as danger, she would put herself between them and the danger.

She loved to be in the backyard in the afternoon in the summer when there was shade and also in the late morning in the winter so her black fur would get hot to the touch.  She loved to chase things like squirrels.

She was a social dog.  She would say Hi to every dog she saw.  She made dog friends quickly and they were long-lasting friendships.  It took a while for her to warm up to a human, but when she did you were her friend for life.

She hated the UPS man with a passion only known to dogs.

She was deeply afraid of things from above, like ceiling fans and blimps.

When the power was out, she had a tendency to shit herself.  In fact, if anything remotely alarming happened, there was poop.  It was amazing the amount of poop that 35-pound dog could create.  We used to joke that her tail was extra poop just in case.

She killed a rat for me once when I was pregnant and too full of hormones to act like a normal person.

She also loved to be free, running without her lead.  She always came back because she knew where the fancy French cheese came from.

The old girl had not been well for months.  She had been incontinent and took to sleeping the bulk of the day.  She really was not eating except for the aforementioned overpriced cheeses she so loved.

She liked affection but not copious amounts of it.  She would cuddle until she was done.  Then she would go to sleep on the sofa next to you but not touch you.

If there were police sirens, she would howl with them.  It sounded soulful and sad.

She was not really interested in what we were doing unless it involved cheese.

She hated baths to the point where she refused to go into the bathroom.  She never did willingly.

Chuy was a pukey baby and Lola developed a taste for baby puke.

Despite my best efforts, I would never really fatten Lola up.

This winter, the cold was really getting to her.  Her legs would just give out.

We put her down this morning and she is gone.

She was the second dog I ever owned.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

In the Mirror

I do not believe in God.  I do good deeds not because I want to go to heaven.  I do good deeds because I want to. 

I call it, Can I look myself in the mirror?

As in, Can I look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and say I tried to make the day a little better?

I will not list all the deeds I have done this year because that is fucking tacky but here are a few:
1) I gave over 2000 (yes two thousand) pounds of vegetables to local food banks
2) I brought a dance class and a yearbook club to the local underprivileged school.
3) I am an exemplary friend.  Seriously, if you are mine I will go to battle for you and I will fuck up whoever has fucked with you. 

What I can improve on:
1) Patience - My mind goes fast.  If you cannot keep up, then get the fuck out of the way
2) Easy to anger - If you fuck with mine, I will reign upon thee with furious anger
3) Bored easily - This is self explanatory.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017


Mommy I need tacos for sunset tens.  I think she meant sustenance.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Drunk or kid

Passed out while pooping in the bathroom at the Mexican restaurant.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Theme Song