Monday, October 01, 2018

FRESH OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE


I am fresh out of fucks to give.
I go to Sprouts to get cheap avocado (two for a dollar!).
I am wearing my Nasty Woman Unite shirt.
The guy behind me is wearing a MAGA hat and says loudly but not to me he is sure glad that bitch Hilary did not win.  That the country is so much better now that people know their place.
He is trying to bait me.
I turn to him and tell him, as sweetly as I can, "I think your penis is very big, sir."
I pay for my four avocados,
He is just standing there, surprised, I guess.
I ask gently, "Have you not heard that before, sir?"
I took my groceries and went on my merry way.

I heard him yell, BITCH. 
But surely, he would not insult a woman who spoke so glowingly about his penis, right?

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Chuyism

Chuy is talking to me wearing only bottoms and pinching her nipples.

Me: What are you doing?

Chuy: Pinching my nipples!

Me:  Why are you doing that?

Chuy:  It feels good in a weird way.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Our Song

Friday, August 24, 2018

Kendrick Lamar



If I didn't ride blade on curb, would you still (love me)
If I made up my mind at work, would you still (love me)
Keep it a hundred, I’d rather you trust me than to (love me)
Keep it a whole one hund', don't got you I got nothing

Monday, August 13, 2018

Came to me in a dream

Scientists theorize that an asteroid hit earth and killed dinosaurs 65 million years ago.

I had a thought that this asteroid screwed with the orbit of the earth 65 million years ago and that it has been self-correcting ever since. 

And that global warming is the earth self correcting to make itself a place that is hospitable to dinosaurs and not humans.


Sunday, July 15, 2018

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Random Things

I cannot shake something stupid that happened during intermission at Hamilton. 
G6, G11, and I high tailed it to the bathroom.
G11 was to my left and I was holding G6's hand on the right.  The theater that was showing Hamilton is very old, so the bathrooms are downstairs.
The ushers were leading people who needed to go down the right stairs and people to were done going up the left.
There was some confusion as to where to go and this large older man did not see G6 and tried to take up the space that she was in.
He felt resistance to her presence and shoved her onto me.  G6 fell onto me and I caught her.  I turned around and yelled, "CHILD ASSHOLE!" and without thinking poked him in his fat rolls, hard  (On a side note, I do this to my husband jokingly as he lovingly strokes my double chin).
He was offended that I touched him and told me so.
I told him not to touch my child again and he should really apologize, you know for knocking her down.
His wife made him do so and the family that was behind them told me GOOD FOR YOU MAMA.  The biggest irony was that it was not like he went anywhere, he was still behind me and was shooting me evil looks because I had the audacity to touch him when he knocked my kid down.  His wife apologized in the bathroom and complimented me on my daughters.
The family behind him who said GOOD FOR YOU MAMA talked shit the whole time.  Like "Can you believe this fool knocked down that pretty girl?" stuff.
I think the thing I cannot shake is that if it had been my husband, this would never have happened.  And why was he so pissed I poked him?  He just knocked down my kid???!!!???
Am I supposed to apologize, like sorry, how dare my kid TAKE UP SPACE?

Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Cool Thing

We went to see Hamilton

496

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Last Day of School

002